what happens happens

wow
it’s been such a long time. so many things going on that i can’t even begin to write about them. i’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately. i’m as broke as a toy truck the day after christmas and there always seems to be something broken or needing mending that i am fortunate just to keep up with them.

my washer’s lid switch broke. i replaced that myself with a $20 dollar part. after a lot of research that is.

i went out one morning to go to work and my tire was flat. it took a few days but was able to get the tire off and patched and i put it back on myself. that was all free.
i then took my car in last week so the tires could get balanced and found out i needed new tires. they were on sale.

i went away for the weekend in august and when i came back i found that my fridge wasn’t working. luckily it was something that only cost around $100 instead of $300

yesterday i saw that my headlight was out and i plan on replacing that myself or maybe convinced the boyfriend to do it.

brad got laid off a couple of weeks ago.

my company changed insurance and have gone with a high deductible hsa insurance. as of right now it’s not so bad of a choice for me.

and last week all of a sudden my cat’s eyed stayed dilated and now she is blind and the vet doesn’t know why. but while at the vet they ran a complete bloodwork test and i found out that c.c. is anemic. great. the fastest cure is a drug called epogen. it’s suppose to quickly bring animals back from the brink of anemia. however, once the shots are started they are to be given forever. the drug is expensive and it would be a monthly. over the last few days i have been going through a lot of emotions about c.c. and yesterday when i went to the vet to pick up the forever anemia drug i broke down and asked the vet “is this worth it?” and the end result is no. it’s not worth it. c.c. is dying from kidney failure and there is nothing i can do about it. curing the anemia isn’t going to stop her from having kidney failure. so instead of leaving with the epogen i left with an iron supplement. and i also left with a peace that i haven’t felt before about c.c. no more fighting a losing battle. i am going to make her as comfortable and as hydrated as i can. as long as she isn’t suffering then what happens happens. right now she gets up and drinks and walks around but since she can’t see she mainly lays in her chair. she is responsive to people but just tired.


it all makes me tired just writing about it.

they come in 3's

man i am slacking in my post. sometimes there is just too much happening and i don’t know where to start.
let’s see what’s been happening.

in the world these are the people who have died, died. well not in the entire world cause i don’t have that kind of access.

farrah fawcett- sad but i can’t say that i was a huge fan. i did grow up during the charlie’s angels days but i’m not into blonds or girls.

michael jackson-stole farrah’s death thunder. apparently a drug addict. what amazes me is that with all this news coming out about his drug problem that people still want to blame others for his addiction. it seems he was surrounded by enablers. but you know what? mj made his choices. if mj wasn’t in his right mind to make his own choices then he should have been locked up with other crazy people who are not able to make his own choices. musical genius yes, a musical genius with fucked up issues with drugs and little boys abso-freakin-lutly.

billy mays-the oxi clean guy. there is a guy i work with that on the first meeting i immediately called him billy mays. he looks like him, he is built like him and in some ways talks like him. you know that cheesy salesman talk that i am surprised that people still buy into. and for a long time i was wary of billy mays because of this other guy, but then watched an episode of “pitch men” and found that he is not always yelling at people and is quite likeable. as for the other guy i work with...well.

karl malden and ed mcmahon-sorry to here but they were well into the 80’s and it’s just a natural progression of things.

david carradine-liked kinky sex and died having it. with himself. i don’t really believe there was anyone else in the room with him.

steve mcnair-possibly died at the hands of his 20 yr old mistress. that would be kind of difficult to tell the children. this also hit close to home. he died in nashville and they showed his memorial on channel 5 instead of big brother. i wasn’t pleased about it.

even though i don’t think people should be praised when they have questionable values i feel sorry for the children that were left behind. i have no doubt that mj and s.m. were good fathers and will be deeply missed by their children.

oh yeah
sarah palin resigned as governor-yeah, everybody loves a quitter.

heart flutters and the change

let’s talk about hormones and the change. i’m 42 and perimenopausal. i also have no fear of the change. in fact i welcome it with open arms. and a lucky factor for me is that my mother and sister went through menopause in their early 40’s. my mother claims that she was 42 when she went through menopause. so goody for me.

in april i went for my physical and told my doctor (who happens to be a woman) that i am having symptoms of perimenopause and i have also been having heart flutters for years. this she knows because i always bitch about them. heart flutters can be one of the most annoying things to happen. the good part is, is that they are normal for the most part but for those who can feel them they can lead to anxiety. that’s what has happened to me. my flutters would last ALL day and then would lead to anxiety because they wouldn’t stop. i would gladly trade heart flutters for hot flashes. that’s how much they bother me.

i should also mention that there is no pain with the flutters. just an annoying extra beat that would not go away.

so on this office visit i told her that i had had enough. she at least believed me that i was perimenopausal and was experiencing symptoms but to be safe (cause that’s the kind of doctor i have) she wanted me to wear a event heart monitor for 30 days. well freaking great. i know several people who can walk into a doctor’s office and see a doctor they have never seen before and walk out with some addictive pain medication and i get the doctor who has to test everything before she will give up some non-addictive anti-anxiety drug. because that’s what i fully believe would relieve me of my flutters.

so anyhoo, i went a week later to pick up my heart monitor kit. it had little sticky tabs that get stuck to my body with metal tabs and a cord that had 2 leads that got clipped onto the little sticky tabs. then the cord gets hooked onto the monitor. now since i had an event monitor instead of a monitor that recorded all the time i had to push a button when i felt the flutters. an event monitor only records 3 events then you have to use a land line phone to send the information over. i did this for a month. after a month i mailed the monitor back in and on tuesday the nurse called to say that everything looked good but i was experiencing
Premature Ventricular Complexes or PVC’s for short. usually a normal occurrence during peri-. so before she hung up i said i wanted something to make them stop. a few hours later the nurse called back and said that the doctor would prescribe SERTRALINE. a generic zoloft. yeah yeah yeah. i have been on them for a day and a half now and i have experienced only the start of a flutter then they go away. i can’t wait to see what will happen months from now.

bring on the change mother nature.

things that happened in april or that didn't happen

i waited a month on purpose this time to post anything. it seems that a lot has happened in april so this post is long.
my cat c.c. has kidney failure and has been needing to go to the vet every month since january. but april,,,no vet. and she really hasn't had any bad days either. what helps is the sub-q's that c.c. now gets about 5 days a week. no more every other day. i don't think that was working too well. luckily i have a great boyfriend who will stop by on his way home (he has to pass by my house anyway) to do the sticking. he has yet to let me try. but i'm not complaining. c.c. is teaching me to live one day at a time. not to look forward on what might happen with her. it's too stressful anyway.
my mom had to put her cat to sleep last week. mom's cat's name was sassy. poor sassy started not being able to breath so after many vet visits they found a mass attached to her larynx and removed it. they sent it out for test and it came back showing cancer. needless to say mom was very upset, and after the removal of the mass sassy never got any better and since not many can afford chemo for their cats she decided to end her suffering and put her down. my niece took sassy to the vet so mother wouldn't have too. at this point mother doesn't even know where my brother buried her.
my brother called yesterday to tell me that my nephew had gone to get the chair we were getting mother for mother's day. he asked if i knew about sassy and that he thinks that mother took sassy's passing harder than our dad's passing. now i don't know if that's true or not but our father was sick for years and that allows a lot of time to mourn. losing a pet that you have taken care of for over a decade leaves a big hole in the heart especially if that pet was your constant companion since our fathers passing.

the fact of the matter is YOUR EITHER A ANIMAL LOVER OR YOUR NOT.

also in april i found out that a friend from college and who also did some work for me around the house (he was a handyman by trade) was found with his truck flipped in the river and drowned. we had an awful lot of rain last month and the roads were always wet. i am assuming that is what happened. dave was a very good and unique individual. it also came as a shock. he will be missed. he wasn't someone who ever faded into the background of any gathering.

another person who died was a man from my work. his name was kerry and was loved and respected greatly. well i guess a fair statement would be you either loved him or hated him but i would bet that he was respected either way. kerry worked hard and played hard and had trouble with his heart but phenomena took him. he never came back from all the infections. he was what i considered old-school business. he shot from the hip and didn't bullshit around things with fancy words. not to say he wasn't a bullshitter but he didn't really hold any punches with people. i loved him a lot. and still have problems with the reality of him not being around. his presence was huge and the hole that is left is even greater. i know he is somewhere running up a bar tab from all the whiskey and diet cokes he loves to drink. and the bar also allows smoking. cheers kerry.

and finally, the man who lost his wife and baby in the tornadoes that passed through the boro on good friday. out of all the devastation only 2 lost their lives which i find amazing. not to say that those 2 lives weren't important any loss is too many but only that's it's surprising. people were sucked out of their homes and 1 kid had a car land on him but from what i read they are doing well.

so from all the loss i appreciate what i have. i may be poor but i have my life, and my friends and family are in good health and my cat is still greeting me when i come home.

prayers and blessings to all who have suffered.

wildlife at work

ok. so i work in an industrial area and over the years have noticed the abundance of wildlife. i love it. it seems what i see the most of is crows. i am assuming that there are so many crows because there is so much to eat around the area. i’ve seen them land in truck beds to steal whatever the driver tossed in the back or trash that they are carting off to the dump. they hang out on the power lines and caw just because they can. my favorite is when 2 get together and talk to each other. i know they are up to no good. i imagine they are planning a hostile take over of the “blue-jays” trees. i’ve seen them try. but so far all that happens is is that the “blue jays” start attacking the crows and chasing them around in the sky. it just proves that many can take on one. so don’t mess with the jays man, they will take you out.

another thing i have noticed it the migration of butterflies. a couple of years ago me, brad and a co-worker were outside and we kept noticing all these butterflies coming from the north going to the south. one right after the other. brad of course who knows everything said they were migrating. well that made sense but i have never seen it happen anywhere else. why did they choose that side of the building? of all the space out there why right above our heads? don’t know but it was cool. so every year i look for them.

"the sorry syndrome" and why it drives me crazy

an online definition for the word sorry states
sor-ry
1. feeling or expressing sympathy, pity or regret
2. worthless or inferior; paltry
3. causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous

for awhile now i have noticed the over use of the word “sorry” at my work. instead of saying “excuse me”, “pardon me”, “ok”, “oh, let me get out of your way” or just plain ol’ keeping your mouth shut i hear “sorry” at least five times a day. and i will add that it comes from women. younger women.

examples-i will be walking into a room and another woman will be coming the other way and instead of saying excuse me she will say “sorry”. i will go up to a woman and tell them that the next time they run the report they will have to do it a different way and instead of saying ok they will say “sorry”.

there are times that i just want to yell “stop fucking apologizing, you didn’t hurt me. so please shut up”. but i don’t say that aloud. i’m sure that in some way it could get me written up. i have many times in the past asked the person to stop apologizing but that doesn’t seem to work. and at other times i want to shake the victim mind set out of them. but of course that wont work either. it would just keep them there in the mind set.

what’s up women?

well apparently what’s up is “The Sorry Syndrome”, suffering from the habit of apologizing all the time. i just now looked this up online and it confirmed my theory of why these women say “i’m sorry” ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

low self esteem, low self worth, the feeling that they are unworthy and i am. also i do believe that these women are or were in relationships where they are or were constantly apologizing to a disrespectful abusive ass hole of a man or woman. parent, sibling, caretaker, mate in order to keep the peace. the article states that “ritual or not, if you keep apologizing, it becomes a form of depression. when you accept blame, even though you are not at fault, it shows a weak character. by saying sorry, you give away your power, and this jeopardizes your image”

Do You Suffer from the Sorry Syndrome?

Here’s a quick way of finding out. Would you say sorry in the following situations? If yes, then it’s time to stop saying ‘sorry’.

• If you’ve not understood something. (what i would say-“what? i don’t get it”)

• If you brush against someone. - (“excuse me” now i have found myself saying “i’m sorry” if it’s to someone i don’t know and it was a “run into moment’” instead of a brush against someone moment)

• When you’re trying to settle an argument. (well this depends on what side i’m on. but never sorry)

• When you’re aware that you know better, but you would rather humour the opposite person. (that’s easy. i just say “ok” and give them a superior smile)

• When you are trying to be assertive about a situation. (please, i’m always assertive so no no sorry there)

• When you know you have done something because there was a need for it. (why would i apologize for that?)

• When you know you are better educated than someone you are talking to. (i would just talk to them on their level, i don’t apologize for my intelligence)

no i don’t think i would say sorry to any of these except for “running into someone”. actually i don’t think i say “i’m sorry” enough. that can be a problem in certain situations but i always feel that if i say sorry and not mean it , i have lost or given in to something. i guess it’s also because i never want to accept blame when i didn’t do it or cause the problem. i do take responsibility for my actions though and i have no problem owning up to my mistakes.

but i do over use “quotation” marks. we all have flaws.

so ladies if you suffer from THE SORRY SYNDROME please seek help and stop it. never apologize unless some major damage has been caused. don’t give away your power.

where is it? where is spring?

what’s happening people? it’s all good on my side. the days are getting longer and warmer. i can’t wait until i can open up my windows for days on end. for some reason i always have better sleep with the windows open. maybe the night sounds just lull me into a deeper sleep. i sometimes will sneeze a lot the next morning but that goes away after a couple cups of coffee.


kitty update-it’s been a month since my darling was diagnosed with CRF and after a few weeks of being on the emotional rollercoaster with her not eating she is now acting like everything is a-ok. she eats her special food and the pill taking has become 2nd nature. granted i am sure she would rather not have to take pills but i am hoping that she has resigned to the fact that i will be opening up her mouth twice daily to give her the azodyl for the rest of her life. which i hope is a very very long time.

i’ve actually gotten quite good at it if i say so myself. it took me a couple of weeks to figure out exactly where to put the pill so that it immediately gets swallowed. now it takes just a few seconds. i’ve also found myself forgetting about it, nothing like forgetting until the next day but forgetting for an hour.

one day at a time

a couple of weeks ago on a saturday c.c. the love of my life became lethargic. which is never a good sign in a cat. and even before that morning she had started exhibiting strange behavior. but i was unable to take her to the vet because they like to get their money before you walk out the door and money was something that i didn't have so i just hoped that whatever it was would pass. it didn't pass.

on the first vet visit they pulled blood for a test that would be sent off and did some other test they could do in-house. they sent her home with an antibiotic because she had a kidney infection and the "big"test results would come back the next day. when the test came back it looked like she has CHRONIC RENAL FAILURE or CRF.
no cure, no coming back from. i felt like i was going to lose my girl within hours. but my girl is a fighter and she started having more energy the next day. she didn't like the liquid antibiotics. it's bad enough to give a cat a pill but the liquid..well she didn't like it one bit. but she got it twice a day anyway. on tuesday i picked up from the vet AZODYL a newish drug for CRF in animals. so now she is getting 2 medications twice a day. and i read everything i could find on the internet about CRF. i found out that there are boo-koos of articles about it. CRF is one of the most common problems in older cats and dogs. i realized that people out there in the world on all continents have written something on this problem. pets are important to us and i found so many websites that was filled with info to help people who are going through this crisis. i learned that she needs to have her diet changed to a low protein/low sodium/low phosphorous food. at this point she wasn't eating anything. i could get her to drink water but i couldn't find anything that she would eat. even though she started have more energy and acted like she was hungry she wouldn't touch the food. on many of the websites i read that i needed to get food into her and if she wouldn't eat the right food i should at least give her something not good for her just to get food in her belly. so i found out that deli turkey did the trick. so deli turkey is what she got. i would stand over her while she ate, i would take her to her water bowl and watch over her as she drank and i was filled with so much worry and stress. i felt i had no control over the situation. but i never prayed for her to live, i prayed that she would not suffer and not be in pain. so by that friday c.c. was acting like her old self. within 7 days she was starting to act like her old self with the exception of having an appetite. so last friday i took her back to the vet to see if there had been any change in her blood work.
now dropping her off at the vet while i went to work just about killed me. leaving her there all day by herself sent me into a panic. but i dwelt with it and worried all day until the vet called and said that she was looking and acting so much better that they wanted to do the "big test" again because there could be a possibility that she had some sort of "itis" and not CRF. my hopes soared for her.
so after work i went to pick her up. the vet said that she was an angel all day, letting them put needles in her and do all sorts of test, that is until they had the great idea to trim her nails. i could have told them that that was probably not a good idea. it pissed her off bigtime. i had asked for a pill form of the antibiotic because the liquid was not happening, and the vet was going to give her the antibiotic before we left. c.c. sliced the nice vet lady up. so we put her back in the box and i gave her the antibiotic later at home. they also gave c.c. subcutaneous fluids. that's where they inject fluid underneath the skin. or so i think. i am not the best person to give correct technical info. but anyway it helped with the peeing and pooping and her with her appetite. de-hydration can be a killer also.
so i left the vet with high hopes for c.c. there was that possibility that she could be cured of the "itis" and not have CRF at all. i never received the call about the test on saturday which did bother me a bit but for some reason an acceptance came over me. no matter what she had i was going to deal with it one day at a time. sunday came and the vet called and said "sorry but c.c. has CRF and now it's up to quality of life". so now c.c is eating her diet food and is getting her AZODYL twice a day and is peeing and pooping and acting like her old self which is all i can ask for. the AZODYL seems to be doing it's thing and c.c. hasn't shown any of the complications with the drug that i have read could happen. there is no timeline for CRF. from what i read it could be months or years before she takes a turn for the worst. and i have decided that i will do whatever that i possible can to make sure she sticks to her diet and takes her pills. i say that like she is the one who controls it.

if you are reading this and your pet has CRF and happens to be on AZODYL, remember that the drug must be kept cold and can't be broken open in order for the pet to ingest it. it needs to bypass the stomach and make it into the intestines. and if you buy the drug online it must be shipped to you in cold packs.

another opening another show

the title of this entry is from the musical "kiss me kate"  but for some of us who was in the show many years ago it was called "kiss me ass".    ok yes this was a random thought.  new year-another opening.

for the start of this year i decided to completely bail on the ritual and habits that i have done for many, many years in the past.   i decided to NOT DO A DAMN THING. 

i haven't wash dishes 

i haven't cooked a meal, (this does not included microwavable food)

i haven't swept the floors 

i didn't change the sheets on the bed

i haven't vacuumed

i haven't smudged

and the list goes on, but only in the brain.

i haven't done any of this normal new year's rituals until today.  i wanted to try something new.  throw  caution to the wind and NOT DO A DAMN THING.  and by the looks of it, the normal things pertained to work of some sort.  i don't know how this will effect the cosmic wheel of my life but it felt good to be a rebel against myself.  

i hope you rebel against yourself in the coming year.

so i got a new digital camera for christmas.  a sony cybershot, the cool slim-line one with a touch screen.   love it.  it has a smile detector and will take the picture automatically when the subject has satisfied the smile meter.  and with my new camera i was finally able to take a picture of my partner in life.

none other than c.c. spyder. a 12 year old chocolate calico that is too intelligent for most other creatures. this is how she looks at me most of the time. with disdain
and she doesn't tolerate fools easily.

looking for the off-ramp

as i have said many times before i love the beginning of the new year. below was my horoscope for this week from ROB BREZSNY'S FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Aquarius Horoscope for week of December 25, 2008

Imagine you're driving down a very wide highway that's 50 lanes across even though there are no lines dividing one lane from another. Speed limit signs aren't posted, and some vehicles are zipping along in zigzag paths at over 100 mph while others crawl along like old-lady turtles. Now and then you've got to weave your way through a congested area where many on-ramps all feed into the road simultaneously. You haven't seen an off-ramp yet, and you're not sure where to get off anyway. I figure, Aquarius, that 2008 had some resemblance to the scenario I just described. Luckily, I predict that no later than your birthday, you will find an off-ramp and exit onto an uncluttered backroad with great scenery.

yep brezsny summed it up perfectly. 2008 has been a full year of me screaming "just get the fuck out of my way" maybe that's another reason why slow ass crazy drivers have been getting on my last nerve. i'm just looking for an off-ramp.

and i love brezsny's horoscopes. they are not your typical blah blah blah 1 liners.

well folks i for one am happy to say goodbye to 2008 now all that's left is some new year cleaning.

had enough of turkey

ooooowheeee people...if i am anything i am tired of turkey and i didn't even have that much. i am almost tired of dressing. god bless my mom, there are some things she just can't cook. but dressing isn't one of them. at least i don't think so. i love my mom's dressing. most of the time it's moist and she usually cooks it where the top is nice and crunchy. but 4 meals of it is border lining it.

biscuits, one of the main staples in a southerners diet falls short with my mom. flat and dry. but i think all biscuits are dry. however, my mom could cook great yeast rolls. hmmm maybe that's why i prefer rolls over biscuits. most of the time anyway. gravy doesn't go as well with rolls but that doesn't mean i don't try it every chance i can get. now gravy she could do. even when it didn't come from a mix.

pecan pie-nope my mom can't pull that one off either. but for decades we would and will continue to eat her pecan pie, even though you need a knife to saw the crust apart, for years to come. if she makes anymore that is. this thanksgiving she didn't. she made a punch bowl cake. it was tasty but she forgot to add several ingredients, oh yeah and the cake got a bit brown on the bottom and she didn't quite finish cutting off the brown parts. but i still had a great thanksgiving. overcooked food and all. isn't there a saying that says "dry food leads to great families"? no? well there should be.

which brings me to what i wanted to write about. how much i enjoy QVC. that channel cracks me up. i have never bought anything from QVC. i've been tempted. oh yes, i've been tempted. tonight the host was david venerable. at least i think that's his last name. david was selling food, which he does so well. for those of you not into QVC let me tell you about QVC host david. he is a southerner or so sounds like it and i think that he is gay (on the edge of queeny) and he is about 6'2. and that makes me like him even more. he also seems to get alot of the food showings and i think it's because he can chew visually very well.

anyway, some guy from harry london was there selling his chocolate. they are out of ohio for those of you interested. showing a 3 tiered box set of individually wrapped chocolates. yum. and the "today's top pick" so it was going for around 40 bucks. which apparently is a steal. and they were giving us the selling points of these chocolates. homemade, fresh ingredients, gourmet chocolate, and they are individually wrapped. the wrappers (most of them) tell you what type of candy they are. david, sharing a personal memory (as the host do) told about how when you buy the box candy you can't always tell what kind they are. so he would stick his fingers into the candy to find out. and david then said "well like my momma always said, if you stick your finger in it you gotta eat it". to me that was great. it's such a great quote.

if you didn't find it funny well then too bad.

out of the blue

this year has been hard financially for me. from the beginning of the year to now, i have been spending money on things that were needed around my house. gutters, water heater, a new shed, mower, car fixed. this weekend was the first time in a long time where i took a list to the grocery store and wrote down the price of the product so i could keep up with how much i was spending. my last post was about taking my car in to be fixed. granted poor viviene needed it so i’m not bitching about it. but i have started to feel the strain of not having money available. i live alone and i am the soul provider of my household. there isn't another person who can help pull the load. but i manage. all of my bills are paid. i don’t have creditors hounding me. even though i am living month to month and sometimes week to week i still feel fortunate to have a roof over my head and all my bills paid. i have never made it a habit to "really" complain about not having money. it's always a good day if you have a roof over your head and food on the table.

but lately a numb depression has been surrounding me. “how am i going to afford christmas?” it’s a month away and i am so cash poor that i can’t even use my credit card to ease the tension. but at the same time that the numbness was taking over, i also felt a calmness about it also. maybe the numb feeling was the calm. don’t know. that’s a new feeling for me. and then today in the mail a blessing happened.

i have never in my life received an anonymous gift in the mail. but today, at work no less, i received mail that was addressed to me care of my work. it was a typed letter with a MERRY CHRISTMAS sticker on the front and a NO PEEKING sticker on the back. i was thinking that one of the sites had mailed their invoices to me with the christmas stickers stuck on the outside. however, when i opened it up there was a white piece of paper with MERRY CHRISTMAS typed on it and cash. yes cash. a lot of cash. for me it was a lot of cash. i was in tears. someone thought enough about me to send me money. and i don’t even know who it is. i haven’t voiced my “really broke” issue with many people. well maybe i do have an idea who it might be but i am not sure. it so came out of the blue but i guess that’s what blessings are. that money will take care of 3 birthday’s and 5 christmas gifts.

now i have to think about should i call the person who i think it is? but if that person wanted me to know who it was they would have put their name on it. either way they have made my day. i have had that good gooing feeling since lunch.

and i also know that even though i am broke as shit, i have friends who love me and care about me. and i could never repay that. i can only pay that forward. so thank you whoever sent me the money and thank you goddess for helping chose good friends. i am blessed.

taking viviene to the doctor

i’m soooo glad the election is over and that my team won. so glad i am, that having to get my car fixed yesterday and just about breaking my bank, i didn’t get over anxious about it. for a while now, and by a while i mean years, my gear shifting has been a little to hard to...well shift. i have broken the gear twice already and had to drive with it zip-tied until i could fix it. but in the last week it got really bad. so bad that i was afraid that i was going to break the shifter thingy again. and i didn't want that to happen because brad said he wouldn't band-aid it again. it involves removing the console and getting down in the floor board to unscrew things. and of course i knew it was sick but i just keep putting it off. so on monday i took it to the mechanic 1 door down from my work. and let me just say how much that rocks to have a mechanic within walking distance from ones work.

anyhoo, i drove over there at lunch and explained my problem, and then left it there for the guy to look at and tell me what’s up. i also wanted him to check on this whine when my car started. the sound was loud and had been loud for....you guessed it....years. so i walked back to work and about 20 minutes later i get the call. the clutch master/slave cylinder needed to be replaced and the whine came from a bad serpentine belt, a idler pulley and the tensioner pulley. don’t i sound like i know what i’m talking about??? i must confess that i wrote that from looking at the bill. i have the general idea but i don’t know the name of things like that. i just takes up too much brain memory. so i went to pick up my car and he told me to bring it back on wednesday cause that’s when all the parts would be there. he also gave me an estimate on how much all of this would cost. i did have the money. barely. and might as well fixed all those problems now. but no worries. like i said, i knew i would be a feel good week.

so wednesday came, the shop called me to tell me that the parts were there, i drove it over and left viviene, that’s what i call my car, and headed back to work. still no worries. usually i would have been in a panic for the entire day over the money and the fact that i couldn’t just get in my car and go. granted i wasn’t planning on leaving spur of the moment from work but for me the access to my car gives me a certain amount of control. i called back around 3:30 cause i just couldn’t stand it anymore and pam the shop’s office manager said that’s it’s ready to go and the amount would be $464 dollars. so i rearranged my money on line and headed down there. but of course all of my rearranging of money didn’t go into effect yet so i had to pay by check and credit card and then come back to work and rearrange money for a second time. oh well. i am really really broke for about a month but now my gears shift like butter. i miss that. muscle memory came back into play and i realized why i enjoyed driving my car. and there is no more whine. my car is quiet. viviene likes being in stealth mode again.

all in all it wasn’t that much money considering that viviene is 12 years old and that’s the first time i have put that much money into her for things other than necessities.

and i found a mechanic that i like. he was nice and i think fair and he took the time to show me what he was going to do. he showed me the belt and then he showed me what he replaced. i appreciate that since i am a visual learner.

YES WE CAN

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

Its the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

Its the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

Its the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.
Its been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.”

PRESIDENT-ELECT BARACK OBAMA

i voted for obama because he spoke to me. and by the looks of it he spoke to millions.

this man's a preacher to many.

we the people

in less than a month the nation will decide on it's new president. it's become a heated battle and sometimes it feels that it's a fight between good and evil. our country is spiraling out of control and we haven't even glimpsed the bottom. our money's no good, the economy is collapsing, we are in a war under false pretense's, we have lost trust in our political leaders and the rest of the world hates us. this administration is arrogant and bullyish. 8 years ago a lot of people saw this coming and we voted against, who i feel is, one of the most disillusioned men in america. however, we were outnumbered. 8 years ago i took one look at gw and saw disaster. he would be nothing but trouble and i was shocked that other people didn't see it. my gut told me then that he wasn't the right man for the job. then 4 years ago me and a lot of other people were out voted again. i was once again shocked that people couldn't see his real face. but as time goes on i can see that maybe, just maybe he has destroyed this nations trust in itself so badly that people will scream out for change.

once again this year i have decided to follow my gut one more time. i know that it may not be the best way to determine who i vote for but it's a feeling that i have come to believe in. i remember one time where i told someone that's how i vote and that person said "you can't vote based on that" well yeah i can. it's my right as an american to do so.

late last year i saw a commercial where obama was promoting the superbowl. and even though he was on the tv for a few seconds my gut told me that he was "the one" to be the next president. long before the primaries had even started. every time i see him i can't get that feeling out of my mind. for the first time i feel that someone speaks to me and for me. he has a believable quality. but do i feel he is completely trustworthy? uuhhh no. what i do feel is that he will lead the way for people other than upper class white men to become the leaders of our country. no chance for women. no chance for hispanics, no chance for asians, no chance for people with a different belief other than christianity will be able to lead us until the door has been opened. and i believe that obama is the key to opening that door. to break down the good ole boy network. will be be the best president? don't know. will he make choices for this country based on the voice of the rich? yeah probably. will he fixed our corrupt system? no. we are way beyond being fixed by one man and one administration. but he will set a precedence.

for 8 years i have been able to tell all those people, who now bitch and complain about the state of the nation, "you voted for him- TWICE" i would now like the opportunity to be responsible for electing someone who has the potential to be great. and in 4 years when things are still bad you can feel free to look at me and say "you voted for him" damn right i did.

close to home

the state is a buzz about the threats made by a mtsu student. and so they should. when i first heard about it yesterday i was proud of the fact that the school took the emails of “large-scale devastation” threats serious enough to cancel classes and secure the campus. as far as i could see, they had learned from the tragedy at virginia tech and shut it down. BUT THEN COMES THE BITCHING. it seems i have read the same article over and over again on different websites. but the comments have been caraaaaazy. in ‘the tennesean’ people are bringing race to their comments. some claim that this dumb ass boys threat were blown out of proportion. that the campus over-reacted. that of course the person who made these threats was black, because as we all know the prison’s are filled with black people and they are the only ones who commit crimes. are you freaking kidding me? the officials didn’t know who made the threats when they cancelled school. and it shouldn’t matter what color the boy was. what did matter was that his threats were serious enough to take action. some also say that the emails and notifications weren’t sent out fast enough or didn’t reach everyone. jesus h christ. when nobody dies. it’s a good day. the course taken wasn’t perfect but it worked-this time. and maybe after 1 scare under their belt it will work great the next time.
when i read the dnj, the comments were thankful that a potential crisis was averted. yeah because we live here. we go to mtsu or know someone who does and it would be a bad day indeed if the school had ignored the possiblity of threat. cause god knows that mtsu can be screwed up with a lot of things.

so the way i see it, we are dealing with boy who had a bad decision day and decided that if he sent some threatening emails he could get out of midterms. (yeah like that could happen, if not today then another. you don’t get out of mid-terms) or he wasn’t right in the head. either way he made a bad choice and should have to pay for that bad choice. or it could be a cry for help. whatever. but it could have been. if the boy had really wanted to hurt someone he wasn’t going to announce it. he would have just done it and we would be dealing with a huge loss. theatening people with death is just not the way to go. and he could be black, white, yellow, purple or chartreuse and i would still feel the same way. there needs to be huge consequences and he needs to pay for his actions. because we all know that there are going to be other crazy kids out there who think that by doing something similar that they will be able to get out of a problem.

cause some people are always trying to blame their problems on someone else. but that's a whole 'nother rant

apparently the "emerging trend of female pastors" is not something that the good ole boys of the southern baptist convention want to try on.

if you haven't heard already this magazine was pulled from shelves across the country in the LIFEWAY christian bookstores (which are ran by the southern baptist convention) because the mag featured female pastors. however, you can request the mag from the christian bookstore clerk and that clerk will pull it out from under the counter. just like any other dirty porn magazine that the public shouldn't see.

now here is the thing. lifeway is owned the the SBC. and if the SBC don't believe in something like women pastors they have the right to pull the magazine from their shelves.

i grew up southern baptist if you can't tell. i went to church every time the doors where open until i left for college when i was 20. so when i rant about the christian's i feel i can speak from experience. i've experience the hypocrisy within the church, i have also experienced the holy spirit at work in the church. so it's not the individuals that i have a problem with it's the dogma. preaching the word of god while at the same time not treating all souls as equal.
the sbc and all the other denominations who refuse and don't believe in women being pastor's or reverend's or holy guide's i feel hide their oppression behind their so called interpretation of their scripture. to them there is no way in heaven that a woman could even be close to being called to preach.

so are women not worthy enough to preach the word of god? do women lack the wisdom and knowledge to bring souls to christ? is the weight of eve to great to overcome? it would seem to me that eve may have offered the apple to adam, but adam wasn't strong enough to refuse it. so who is the weak one here? both are to blame in their fall from grace.

i believe that god doesn't care about whether a person is a woman or a man when it comes to showing the way to salvation. and i don't believe jesus cares either. both work in mysterious ways, and if it is god's will that a women should lead then it would seem that refusing a women to lead would go against his will.

of course i really don't have a dog in this fight. i am just writing my opinion. i figured out a long time ago that my god doesn't roll that way. all facets of god loves all faces.

well folks, it just another boring day at work. sometimes it gets so boring that i often contemplate getting a new job so i can be busy. i like to be busy at work. it makes the day go by faster and coming home that much sweeter. but on days like this i can't find enough to do. i do have filing to do but deep down in my heart i know that the task will only last a few minutes and not worth the trouble. i'm going to save it for a really busy day. i've even talked with other people today just to pass the time but most of them got lucky to sit through a boring presentation for a couple of hours. in the dark. in a very cool room. i don't think i could make it. i wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open.

so lets see what is going on in the real world.

mccain tagged sarah palin to be his vice president. whatever. i believe that the only reason he picked her was because hilary was getting a lot of the democratic votes and mccain and his minions thought it would be a great idea to jump on that band wagon. and the sad part is he might be right. i am sure that there are women out there who want a female president or in this matter as vice president so bad that they would vote for this aging prisoner of war just so the femi-nazis of this country can say that a women finally made it to the white house. and again whatever. i wont be voting for him just to see a tina fey look alike make it to the white house. i don't feel that she is qualified. she just has a vagina.

today is 9/11/08. a day to remember all the people who died because of some fundamentalist muslims who felt the need to prove a point and hijack airplanes and fly them into buildings.
and 7 years later where has it gotten us? think about it. just more deaths.
it's also my friend dollie's birthday. that's gotta suck. but happy birthday anyway. just be glad that your alive and well.

just a little something

check out where the hell is matt if you haven't seen it already.

the language of dance is universal.

customer service means servicing the customer

can you hear me now? good. can you hear me now? good.
yes i know that verizon can have some annoying commercials-my favorite being the 2 little ghosts boys in the hallway- but i am a big fan of verizon for so many reasons.

in my job of a/p gypsy and now a/r gypsy as a result of a mass lay off, i am in charge of dealing with all the cell phones for the company. luckily by the time i inherited the cell phone albatros we were down to 2 cell phone companies. verizon and sprint, which was nextel which was...oh who the hell knows. anyhoo, i have to occasionally call these companies for different issues. adding a phone, cancelling a phone, suspending a phone. with verizon i have a rep that can handle some of the questions like “i need a global blackberry and a global sim card by tomorrow” my rep says no problem.

if i have to call verizion, which is more than i call sprint “thank goddess”, after a few prompts i am answered quickly by a customer service person who is able to handle every issue i have. they are always nice and courteous and always act happy that i called. they act like your friend. go figure. a customer service person who actually wants to do their job and offer you service.

when i call sprint, after a few prompts, i always have to wait and wait and wait for a human to pick up the phone. all the while listening to ear piercing on hold music. and after the “i don’t want to be here” customer service person picks up they always talk way to fast and can’t ever seem to do the job that i need done. so back into call pergatory i go to wait and wait and wait for someone else to pick up to complete the issue. and they are just as unfriendly as the last person.

i am pulling this story from my experience today. i had to call sprint (which i had been dreading) to disconnect 3 numbers that would no longer be needed. so the first "i'm so happy to be here" guy picked up the call and of course couldn’t help me. even though i had all the pin#s correct and my blood sample matched. no #1 i'm so happy to be here boy couldn’t disconnect the phones so he sent me to #2 i'm so happy to be here girl. #2 girl really just didn’t want to be there. she acted like she would rather be sand papering her eyeballs than answer the freaking phone.
after saying no a thousand times to “would you like to consider only suspended this phone or instead changing this phone over to a broadband card” or whatever people call those things that hook into a laptop so it can get internet. i said “NO NO NO i don’t want to prolong the service in any kind of way on those #’s...please. i also wanted them disconnected on friday.”
#2 girl, “i can’t do that, your cycle ending 2 days ago and it wont be prorated”
“i don’t care. they need to not have service after friday”
“well i will be able to stop all incoming and outgoing calls, is that what you want?” #2 girl said with disdain
“no i just wanted to call you and be on hold for 10 minutes and have you talk to me like i was the hired help” no not really. i really said “yes that’s what i would like to happen but not until friday night”.
“ok i have that set to stop all incoming call and outgoing calls as of tonight” dumbass chirped
“NNNOOOOO, it needs to happen on friday night” sweet little me
so after i finally felt that me and “happy to be here in hell” girl were on the same page she of course has to do the ending dialogue of her speech.
“have i answered all you questions and met what you needed?”
“yes” i said in my nicest voice
and then the best question of all that i love to answer. it’s that last question, that if you have in someway not catered to me being that your job is customer service, that i will be truthful about.
“and one last question-on a scale of 1 to 10 please rate your experience with us today”
she was shocked when i said “6 and most of that is for being on hold for too long” cause i thought 6 was being generous but i refrained from being completely blunt. i need those numbers to stay connected until friday.