what happens happens

wow
it’s been such a long time. so many things going on that i can’t even begin to write about them. i’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately. i’m as broke as a toy truck the day after christmas and there always seems to be something broken or needing mending that i am fortunate just to keep up with them.

my washer’s lid switch broke. i replaced that myself with a $20 dollar part. after a lot of research that is.

i went out one morning to go to work and my tire was flat. it took a few days but was able to get the tire off and patched and i put it back on myself. that was all free.
i then took my car in last week so the tires could get balanced and found out i needed new tires. they were on sale.

i went away for the weekend in august and when i came back i found that my fridge wasn’t working. luckily it was something that only cost around $100 instead of $300

yesterday i saw that my headlight was out and i plan on replacing that myself or maybe convinced the boyfriend to do it.

brad got laid off a couple of weeks ago.

my company changed insurance and have gone with a high deductible hsa insurance. as of right now it’s not so bad of a choice for me.

and last week all of a sudden my cat’s eyed stayed dilated and now she is blind and the vet doesn’t know why. but while at the vet they ran a complete bloodwork test and i found out that c.c. is anemic. great. the fastest cure is a drug called epogen. it’s suppose to quickly bring animals back from the brink of anemia. however, once the shots are started they are to be given forever. the drug is expensive and it would be a monthly. over the last few days i have been going through a lot of emotions about c.c. and yesterday when i went to the vet to pick up the forever anemia drug i broke down and asked the vet “is this worth it?” and the end result is no. it’s not worth it. c.c. is dying from kidney failure and there is nothing i can do about it. curing the anemia isn’t going to stop her from having kidney failure. so instead of leaving with the epogen i left with an iron supplement. and i also left with a peace that i haven’t felt before about c.c. no more fighting a losing battle. i am going to make her as comfortable and as hydrated as i can. as long as she isn’t suffering then what happens happens. right now she gets up and drinks and walks around but since she can’t see she mainly lays in her chair. she is responsive to people but just tired.


it all makes me tired just writing about it.

they come in 3's

man i am slacking in my post. sometimes there is just too much happening and i don’t know where to start.
let’s see what’s been happening.

in the world these are the people who have died, died. well not in the entire world cause i don’t have that kind of access.

farrah fawcett- sad but i can’t say that i was a huge fan. i did grow up during the charlie’s angels days but i’m not into blonds or girls.

michael jackson-stole farrah’s death thunder. apparently a drug addict. what amazes me is that with all this news coming out about his drug problem that people still want to blame others for his addiction. it seems he was surrounded by enablers. but you know what? mj made his choices. if mj wasn’t in his right mind to make his own choices then he should have been locked up with other crazy people who are not able to make his own choices. musical genius yes, a musical genius with fucked up issues with drugs and little boys abso-freakin-lutly.

billy mays-the oxi clean guy. there is a guy i work with that on the first meeting i immediately called him billy mays. he looks like him, he is built like him and in some ways talks like him. you know that cheesy salesman talk that i am surprised that people still buy into. and for a long time i was wary of billy mays because of this other guy, but then watched an episode of “pitch men” and found that he is not always yelling at people and is quite likeable. as for the other guy i work with...well.

karl malden and ed mcmahon-sorry to here but they were well into the 80’s and it’s just a natural progression of things.

david carradine-liked kinky sex and died having it. with himself. i don’t really believe there was anyone else in the room with him.

steve mcnair-possibly died at the hands of his 20 yr old mistress. that would be kind of difficult to tell the children. this also hit close to home. he died in nashville and they showed his memorial on channel 5 instead of big brother. i wasn’t pleased about it.

even though i don’t think people should be praised when they have questionable values i feel sorry for the children that were left behind. i have no doubt that mj and s.m. were good fathers and will be deeply missed by their children.

oh yeah
sarah palin resigned as governor-yeah, everybody loves a quitter.

heart flutters and the change

let’s talk about hormones and the change. i’m 42 and perimenopausal. i also have no fear of the change. in fact i welcome it with open arms. and a lucky factor for me is that my mother and sister went through menopause in their early 40’s. my mother claims that she was 42 when she went through menopause. so goody for me.

in april i went for my physical and told my doctor (who happens to be a woman) that i am having symptoms of perimenopause and i have also been having heart flutters for years. this she knows because i always bitch about them. heart flutters can be one of the most annoying things to happen. the good part is, is that they are normal for the most part but for those who can feel them they can lead to anxiety. that’s what has happened to me. my flutters would last ALL day and then would lead to anxiety because they wouldn’t stop. i would gladly trade heart flutters for hot flashes. that’s how much they bother me.

i should also mention that there is no pain with the flutters. just an annoying extra beat that would not go away.

so on this office visit i told her that i had had enough. she at least believed me that i was perimenopausal and was experiencing symptoms but to be safe (cause that’s the kind of doctor i have) she wanted me to wear a event heart monitor for 30 days. well freaking great. i know several people who can walk into a doctor’s office and see a doctor they have never seen before and walk out with some addictive pain medication and i get the doctor who has to test everything before she will give up some non-addictive anti-anxiety drug. because that’s what i fully believe would relieve me of my flutters.

so anyhoo, i went a week later to pick up my heart monitor kit. it had little sticky tabs that get stuck to my body with metal tabs and a cord that had 2 leads that got clipped onto the little sticky tabs. then the cord gets hooked onto the monitor. now since i had an event monitor instead of a monitor that recorded all the time i had to push a button when i felt the flutters. an event monitor only records 3 events then you have to use a land line phone to send the information over. i did this for a month. after a month i mailed the monitor back in and on tuesday the nurse called to say that everything looked good but i was experiencing
Premature Ventricular Complexes or PVC’s for short. usually a normal occurrence during peri-. so before she hung up i said i wanted something to make them stop. a few hours later the nurse called back and said that the doctor would prescribe SERTRALINE. a generic zoloft. yeah yeah yeah. i have been on them for a day and a half now and i have experienced only the start of a flutter then they go away. i can’t wait to see what will happen months from now.

bring on the change mother nature.

things that happened in april or that didn't happen

i waited a month on purpose this time to post anything. it seems that a lot has happened in april so this post is long.
my cat c.c. has kidney failure and has been needing to go to the vet every month since january. but april,,,no vet. and she really hasn't had any bad days either. what helps is the sub-q's that c.c. now gets about 5 days a week. no more every other day. i don't think that was working too well. luckily i have a great boyfriend who will stop by on his way home (he has to pass by my house anyway) to do the sticking. he has yet to let me try. but i'm not complaining. c.c. is teaching me to live one day at a time. not to look forward on what might happen with her. it's too stressful anyway.
my mom had to put her cat to sleep last week. mom's cat's name was sassy. poor sassy started not being able to breath so after many vet visits they found a mass attached to her larynx and removed it. they sent it out for test and it came back showing cancer. needless to say mom was very upset, and after the removal of the mass sassy never got any better and since not many can afford chemo for their cats she decided to end her suffering and put her down. my niece took sassy to the vet so mother wouldn't have too. at this point mother doesn't even know where my brother buried her.
my brother called yesterday to tell me that my nephew had gone to get the chair we were getting mother for mother's day. he asked if i knew about sassy and that he thinks that mother took sassy's passing harder than our dad's passing. now i don't know if that's true or not but our father was sick for years and that allows a lot of time to mourn. losing a pet that you have taken care of for over a decade leaves a big hole in the heart especially if that pet was your constant companion since our fathers passing.

the fact of the matter is YOUR EITHER A ANIMAL LOVER OR YOUR NOT.

also in april i found out that a friend from college and who also did some work for me around the house (he was a handyman by trade) was found with his truck flipped in the river and drowned. we had an awful lot of rain last month and the roads were always wet. i am assuming that is what happened. dave was a very good and unique individual. it also came as a shock. he will be missed. he wasn't someone who ever faded into the background of any gathering.

another person who died was a man from my work. his name was kerry and was loved and respected greatly. well i guess a fair statement would be you either loved him or hated him but i would bet that he was respected either way. kerry worked hard and played hard and had trouble with his heart but phenomena took him. he never came back from all the infections. he was what i considered old-school business. he shot from the hip and didn't bullshit around things with fancy words. not to say he wasn't a bullshitter but he didn't really hold any punches with people. i loved him a lot. and still have problems with the reality of him not being around. his presence was huge and the hole that is left is even greater. i know he is somewhere running up a bar tab from all the whiskey and diet cokes he loves to drink. and the bar also allows smoking. cheers kerry.

and finally, the man who lost his wife and baby in the tornadoes that passed through the boro on good friday. out of all the devastation only 2 lost their lives which i find amazing. not to say that those 2 lives weren't important any loss is too many but only that's it's surprising. people were sucked out of their homes and 1 kid had a car land on him but from what i read they are doing well.

so from all the loss i appreciate what i have. i may be poor but i have my life, and my friends and family are in good health and my cat is still greeting me when i come home.

prayers and blessings to all who have suffered.