hicks, chicks & pogo sticks

what happens happens

2009-10-07T12:01:00.001-06:00

wow
it’s been such a long time. so many things going on that i can’t even begin to write about them. i’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately. i’m as broke as a toy truck the day after christmas and there always seems to be something broken or needing mending that i am fortunate just to keep up with them.

my washer’s lid switch broke. i replaced that myself with a $20 dollar part. after a lot of research that is.

i went out one morning to go to work and my tire was flat. it took a few days but was able to get the tire off and patched and i put it back on myself. that was all free.
i then took my car in last week so the tires could get balanced and found out i needed new tires. they were on sale.

i went away for the weekend in august and when i came back i found that my fridge wasn’t working. luckily it was something that only cost around $100 instead of $300

yesterday i saw that my headlight was out and i plan on replacing that myself or maybe convinced the boyfriend to do it.

brad got laid off a couple of weeks ago.

my company changed insurance and have gone with a high deductible hsa insurance. as of right now it’s not so bad of a choice for me.

and last week all of a sudden my cat’s eyed stayed dilated and now she is blind and the vet doesn’t know why. but while at the vet they ran a complete bloodwork test and i found out that c.c. is anemic. great. the fastest cure is a drug called epogen. it’s suppose to quickly bring animals back from the brink of anemia. however, once the shots are started they are to be given forever. the drug is expensive and it would be a monthly. over the last few days i have been going through a lot of emotions about c.c. and yesterday when i went to the vet to pick up the forever anemia drug i broke down and asked the vet “is this worth it?” and the end result is no. it’s not worth it. c.c. is dying from kidney failure and there is nothing i can do about it. curing the anemia isn’t going to stop her from having kidney failure. so instead of leaving with the epogen i left with an iron supplement. and i also left with a peace that i haven’t felt before about c.c. no more fighting a losing battle. i am going to make her as comfortable and as hydrated as i can. as long as she isn’t suffering then what happens happens. right now she gets up and drinks and walks around but since she can’t see she mainly lays in her chair. she is responsive to people but just tired.

it all makes me tired just writing about it.

they come in 3's

2009-07-15T11:30:00.000-06:00

man i am slacking in my post. sometimes there is just too much happening and i don’t know where to start.
let’s see what’s been happening.

in the world these are the people who have died, died. well not in the entire world cause i don’t have that kind of access.

farrah fawcett- sad but i can’t say that i was a huge fan. i did grow up during the charlie’s angels days but i’m not into blonds or girls.

michael jackson-stole farrah’s death thunder. apparently a drug addict. what amazes me is that with all this news coming out about his drug problem that people still want to blame others for his addiction. it seems he was surrounded by enablers. but you know what? mj made his choices. if mj wasn’t in his right mind to make his own choices then he should have been locked up with other crazy people who are not able to make his own choices. musical genius yes, a musical genius with fucked up issues with drugs and little boys abso-freakin-lutly.

billy mays-the oxi clean guy. there is a guy i work with that on the first meeting i immediately called him billy mays. he looks like him, he is built like him and in some ways talks like him. you know that cheesy salesman talk that i am surprised that people still buy into. and for a long time i was wary of billy mays because of this other guy, but then watched an episode of “pitch men” and found that he is not always yelling at people and is quite likeable. as for the other guy i work with...well.

karl malden and ed mcmahon-sorry to here but they were well into the 80’s and it’s just a natural progression of things.

david carradine-liked kinky sex and died having it. with himself. i don’t really believe there was anyone else in the room with him.

steve mcnair-possibly died at the hands of his 20 yr old mistress. that would be kind of difficult to tell the children. this also hit close to home. he died in nashville and they showed his memorial on channel 5 instead of big brother. i wasn’t pleased about it.

even though i don’t think people should be praised when they have questionable values i feel sorry for the children that were left behind. i have no doubt that mj and s.m. were good fathers and will be deeply missed by their children.

oh yeah
sarah palin resigned as governor-yeah, everybody loves a quitter.

heart flutters and the change

2009-06-04T09:04:00.000-06:00

let’s talk about hormones and the change. i’m 42 and perimenopausal. i also have no fear of the change. in fact i welcome it with open arms. and a lucky factor for me is that my mother and sister went through menopause in their early 40’s. my mother claims that she was 42 when she went through menopause. so goody for me.

in april i went for my physical and told my doctor (who happens to be a woman) that i am having symptoms of perimenopause and i have also been having heart flutters for years. this she knows because i always bitch about them. heart flutters can be one of the most annoying things to happen. the good part is, is that they are normal for the most part but for those who can feel them they can lead to anxiety. that’s what has happened to me. my flutters would last ALL day and then would lead to anxiety because they wouldn’t stop. i would gladly trade heart flutters for hot flashes. that’s how much they bother me.

i should also mention that there is no pain with the flutters. just an annoying extra beat that would not go away.

so on this office visit i told her that i had had enough. she at least believed me that i was perimenopausal and was experiencing symptoms but to be safe (cause that’s the kind of doctor i have) she wanted me to wear a event heart monitor for 30 days. well freaking great. i know several people who can walk into a doctor’s office and see a doctor they have never seen before and walk out with some addictive pain medication and i get the doctor who has to test everything before she will give up some non-addictive anti-anxiety drug. because that’s what i fully believe would relieve me of my flutters.

so anyhoo, i went a week later to pick up my heart monitor kit. it had little sticky tabs that get stuck to my body with metal tabs and a cord that had 2 leads that got clipped onto the little sticky tabs. then the cord gets hooked onto the monitor. now since i had an event monitor instead of a monitor that recorded all the time i had to push a button when i felt the flutters. an event monitor only records 3 events then you have to use a land line phone to send the information over. i did this for a month. after a month i mailed the monitor back in and on tuesday the nurse called to say that everything looked good but i was experiencing
Premature Ventricular Complexes or PVC’s for short. usually a normal occurrence during peri-. so before she hung up i said i wanted something to make them stop. a few hours later the nurse called back and said that the doctor would prescribe SERTRALINE. a generic zoloft. yeah yeah yeah. i have been on them for a day and a half now and i have experienced only the start of a flutter then they go away. i can’t wait to see what will happen months from now.

bring on the change mother nature.

things that happened in april or that didn't happen

2009-05-03T08:11:00.001-06:00

i waited a month on purpose this time to post anything. it seems that a lot has happened in april so this post is long.
my cat c.c. has kidney failure and has been needing to go to the vet every month since january. but april,,,no vet. and she really hasn't had any bad days either. what helps is the sub-q's that c.c. now gets about 5 days a week. no more every other day. i don't think that was working too well. luckily i have a great boyfriend who will stop by on his way home (he has to pass by my house anyway) to do the sticking. he has yet to let me try. but i'm not complaining. c.c. is teaching me to live one day at a time. not to look forward on what might happen with her. it's too stressful anyway.
my mom had to put her cat to sleep last week. mom's cat's name was sassy. poor sassy started not being able to breath so after many vet visits they found a mass attached to her larynx and removed it. they sent it out for test and it came back showing cancer. needless to say mom was very upset, and after the removal of the mass sassy never got any better and since not many can afford chemo for their cats she decided to end her suffering and put her down. my niece took sassy to the vet so mother wouldn't have too. at this point mother doesn't even know where my brother buried her.
my brother called yesterday to tell me that my nephew had gone to get the chair we were getting mother for mother's day. he asked if i knew about sassy and that he thinks that mother took sassy's passing harder than our dad's passing. now i don't know if that's true or not but our father was sick for years and that allows a lot of time to mourn. losing a pet that you have taken care of for over a decade leaves a big hole in the heart especially if that pet was your constant companion since our fathers passing.

the fact of the matter is YOUR EITHER A ANIMAL LOVER OR YOUR NOT.

also in april i found out that a friend from college and who also did some work for me around the house (he was a handyman by trade) was found with his truck flipped in the river and drowned. we had an awful lot of rain last month and the roads were always wet. i am assuming that is what happened. dave was a very good and unique individual. it also came as a shock. he will be missed. he wasn't someone who ever faded into the background of any gathering.

another person who died was a man from my work. his name was kerry and was loved and respected greatly. well i guess a fair statement would be you either loved him or hated him but i would bet that he was respected either way. kerry worked hard and played hard and had trouble with his heart but phenomena took him. he never came back from all the infections. he was what i considered old-school business. he shot from the hip and didn't bullshit around things with fancy words. not to say he wasn't a bullshitter but he didn't really hold any punches with people. i loved him a lot. and still have problems with the reality of him not being around. his presence was huge and the hole that is left is even greater. i know he is somewhere running up a bar tab from all the whiskey and diet cokes he loves to drink. and the bar also allows smoking. cheers kerry.

and finally, the man who lost his wife and baby in the tornadoes that passed through the boro on good friday. out of all the devastation only 2 lost their lives which i find amazing. not to say that those 2 lives weren't important any loss is too many but only that's it's surprising. people were sucked out of their homes and 1 kid had a car land on him but from what i read they are doing well.

so from all the loss i appreciate what i have. i may be poor but i have my life, and my friends and family are in good health and my cat is still greeting me when i come home.

prayers and blessings to all who have suffered.

wildlife at work

2009-03-31T11:31:00.000-06:00

ok. so i work in an industrial area and over the years have noticed the abundance of wildlife. i love it. it seems what i see the most of is crows. i am assuming that there are so many crows because there is so much to eat around the area. i’ve seen them land in truck beds to steal whatever the driver tossed in the back or trash that they are carting off to the dump. they hang out on the power lines and caw just because they can. my favorite is when 2 get together and talk to each other. i know they are up to no good. i imagine they are planning a hostile take over of the “blue-jays” trees. i’ve seen them try. but so far all that happens is is that the “blue jays” start attacking the crows and chasing them around in the sky. it just proves that many can take on one. so don’t mess with the jays man, they will take you out.

another thing i have noticed it the migration of butterflies. a couple of years ago me, brad and a co-worker were outside and we kept noticing all these butterflies coming from the north going to the south. one right after the other. brad of course who knows everything said they were migrating. well that made sense but i have never seen it happen anywhere else. why did they choose that side of the building? of all the space out there why right above our heads? don’t know but it was cool. so every year i look for them.

"the sorry syndrome" and why it drives me crazy

2009-02-25T13:22:00.003-06:00

an online definition for the word sorry states
sor-ry
1. feeling or expressing sympathy, pity or regret
2. worthless or inferior; paltry
3. causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous

for awhile now i have noticed the over use of the word “sorry” at my work. instead of saying “excuse me”, “pardon me”, “ok”, “oh, let me get out of your way” or just plain ol’ keeping your mouth shut i hear “sorry” at least five times a day. and i will add that it comes from women. younger women.

examples-i will be walking into a room and another woman will be coming the other way and instead of saying excuse me she will say “sorry”. i will go up to a woman and tell them that the next time they run the report they will have to do it a different way and instead of saying ok they will say “sorry”.

there are times that i just want to yell “stop fucking apologizing, you didn’t hurt me. so please shut up”. but i don’t say that aloud. i’m sure that in some way it could get me written up. i have many times in the past asked the person to stop apologizing but that doesn’t seem to work. and at other times i want to shake the victim mind set out of them. but of course that wont work either. it would just keep them there in the mind set.

what’s up women?

well apparently what’s up is “The Sorry Syndrome”, suffering from the habit of apologizing all the time. i just now looked this up online and it confirmed my theory of why these women say “i’m sorry” ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

low self esteem, low self worth, the feeling that they are unworthy and i am. also i do believe that these women are or were in relationships where they are or were constantly apologizing to a disrespectful abusive ass hole of a man or woman. parent, sibling, caretaker, mate in order to keep the peace. the article states that “ritual or not, if you keep apologizing, it becomes a form of depression. when you accept blame, even though you are not at fault, it shows a weak character. by saying sorry, you give away your power, and this jeopardizes your image”

Do You Suffer from the Sorry Syndrome?

Here’s a quick way of finding out. Would you say sorry in the following situations? If yes, then it’s time to stop saying ‘sorry’.

• If you’ve not understood something. (what i would say-“what? i don’t get it”)

• If you brush against someone. - (“excuse me” now i have found myself saying “i’m sorry” if it’s to someone i don’t know and it was a “run into moment’” instead of a brush against someone moment)

• When you’re trying to settle an argument. (well this depends on what side i’m on. but never sorry)

• When you’re aware that you know better, but you would rather humour the opposite person. (that’s easy. i just say “ok” and give them a superior smile)

• When you are trying to be assertive about a situation. (please, i’m always assertive so no no sorry there)

• When you know you have done something because there was a need for it. (why would i apologize for that?)

• When you know you are better educated than someone you are talking to. (i would just talk to them on their level, i don’t apologize for my intelligence)

no i don’t think i would say sorry to any of these except for “running into someone”. actually i don’t think i say “i’m sorry” enough. that can be a problem in certain situations but i always feel that if i say sorry and not mean it , i have lost or given in to something. i guess it’s also because i never want to accept blame when i didn’t do it or cause the problem. i do take responsibility for my actions though and i have no problem owning up to my mistakes.

but i do over use “quotation” marks. we all have flaws.

so ladies if you suffer from THE SORRY SYNDROME please seek help and stop it. never apologize unless some major damage has been caused. don’t give away your power.

where is it? where is spring?

2009-02-10T13:52:00.000-06:00

what’s happening people? it’s all good on my side. the days are getting longer and warmer. i can’t wait until i can open up my windows for days on end. for some reason i always have better sleep with the windows open. maybe the night sounds just lull me into a deeper sleep. i sometimes will sneeze a lot the next morning but that goes away after a couple cups of coffee.

kitty update-it’s been a month since my darling was diagnosed with CRF and after a few weeks of being on the emotional rollercoaster with her not eating she is now acting like everything is a-ok. she eats her special food and the pill taking has become 2nd nature. granted i am sure she would rather not have to take pills but i am hoping that she has resigned to the fact that i will be opening up her mouth twice daily to give her the azodyl for the rest of her life. which i hope is a very very long time.

i’ve actually gotten quite good at it if i say so myself. it took me a couple of weeks to figure out exactly where to put the pill so that it immediately gets swallowed. now it takes just a few seconds. i’ve also found myself forgetting about it, nothing like forgetting until the next day but forgetting for an hour.

one day at a time

2009-01-20T07:05:00.003-06:00

a couple of weeks ago on a saturday c.c. the love of my life became lethargic. which is never a good sign in a cat. and even before that morning she had started exhibiting strange behavior. but i was unable to take her to the vet because they like to get their money before you walk out the door and money was something that i didn't have so i just hoped that whatever it was would pass. it didn't pass.

on the first vet visit they pulled blood for a test that would be sent off and did some other test they could do in-house. they sent her home with an antibiotic because she had a kidney infection and the "big"test results would come back the next day. when the test came back it looked like she has CHRONIC RENAL FAILURE or CRF.
no cure, no coming back from. i felt like i was going to lose my girl within hours. but my girl is a fighter and she started having more energy the next day. she didn't like the liquid antibiotics. it's bad enough to give a cat a pill but the liquid..well she didn't like it one bit. but she got it twice a day anyway. on tuesday i picked up from the vet AZODYL a newish drug for CRF in animals. so now she is getting 2 medications twice a day. and i read everything i could find on the internet about CRF. i found out that there are boo-koos of articles about it. CRF is one of the most common problems in older cats and dogs. i realized that people out there in the world on all continents have written something on this problem. pets are important to us and i found so many websites that was filled with info to help people who are going through this crisis. i learned that she needs to have her diet changed to a low protein/low sodium/low phosphorous food. at this point she wasn't eating anything. i could get her to drink water but i couldn't find anything that she would eat. even though she started have more energy and acted like she was hungry she wouldn't touch the food. on many of the websites i read that i needed to get food into her and if she wouldn't eat the right food i should at least give her something not good for her just to get food in her belly. so i found out that deli turkey did the trick. so deli turkey is what she got. i would stand over her while she ate, i would take her to her water bowl and watch over her as she drank and i was filled with so much worry and stress. i felt i had no control over the situation. but i never prayed for her to live, i prayed that she would not suffer and not be in pain. so by that friday c.c. was acting like her old self. within 7 days she was starting to act like her old self with the exception of having an appetite. so last friday i took her back to the vet to see if there had been any change in her blood work.
now dropping her off at the vet while i went to work just about killed me. leaving her there all day by herself sent me into a panic. but i dwelt with it and worried all day until the vet called and said that she was looking and acting so much better that they wanted to do the "big test" again because there could be a possibility that she had some sort of "itis" and not CRF. my hopes soared for her.
so after work i went to pick her up. the vet said that she was an angel all day, letting them put needles in her and do all sorts of test, that is until they had the great idea to trim her nails. i could have told them that that was probably not a good idea. it pissed her off bigtime. i had asked for a pill form of the antibiotic because the liquid was not happening, and the vet was going to give her the antibiotic before we left. c.c. sliced the nice vet lady up. so we put her back in the box and i gave her the antibiotic later at home. they also gave c.c. subcutaneous fluids. that's where they inject fluid underneath the skin. or so i think. i am not the best person to give correct technical info. but anyway it helped with the peeing and pooping and her with her appetite. de-hydration can be a killer also.
so i left the vet with high hopes for c.c. there was that possibility that she could be cured of the "itis" and not have CRF at all. i never received the call about the test on saturday which did bother me a bit but for some reason an acceptance came over me. no matter what she had i was going to deal with it one day at a time. sunday came and the vet called and said "sorry but c.c. has CRF and now it's up to quality of life". so now c.c is eating her diet food and is getting her AZODYL twice a day and is peeing and pooping and acting like her old self which is all i can ask for. the AZODYL seems to be doing it's thing and c.c. hasn't shown any of the complications with the drug that i have read could happen. there is no timeline for CRF. from what i read it could be months or years before she takes a turn for the worst. and i have decided that i will do whatever that i possible can to make sure she sticks to her diet and takes her pills. i say that like she is the one who controls it.

if you are reading this and your pet has CRF and happens to be on AZODYL, remember that the drug must be kept cold and can't be broken open in order for the pet to ingest it. it needs to bypass the stomach and make it into the intestines. and if you buy the drug online it must be shipped to you in cold packs.

another opening another show

2009-01-03T10:53:00.003-06:00

the title of this entry is from the musical "kiss me kate" but for some of us who was in the show many years ago it was called "kiss me ass". ok yes this was a random thought. new year-another opening.

for the start of this year i decided to completely bail on the ritual and habits that i have done for many, many years in the past. i decided to NOT DO A DAMN THING.

i haven't wash dishes

i haven't cooked a meal, (this does not included microwavable food)

i haven't swept the floors

i didn't change the sheets on the bed

i haven't vacuumed

i haven't smudged

and the list goes on, but only in the brain.

i haven't done any of this normal new year's rituals until today. i wanted to try something new. throw caution to the wind and NOT DO A DAMN THING. and by the looks of it, the normal things pertained to work of some sort. i don't know how this will effect the cosmic wheel of my life but it felt good to be a rebel against myself.

i hope you rebel against yourself in the coming year.

so i got a new digital camera for christmas. a sony cybershot, the cool slim-line one with a touch screen. love it. it has a smile detector and will take the picture automatically when the subject has satisfied the smile meter. and with my new camera i was finally able to take a picture of my partner in life.

none other than c.c. spyder. a 12 year old chocolate calico that is too intelligent for most other creatures. this is how she looks at me most of the time. with disdain
and she doesn't tolerate fools easily.

looking for the off-ramp

2008-12-29T12:35:00.003-06:00

as i have said many times before i love the beginning of the new year. below was my horoscope for this week from ROB BREZSNY'S FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Aquarius Horoscope for week of December 25, 2008

Imagine you're driving down a very wide highway that's 50 lanes across even though there are no lines dividing one lane from another. Speed limit signs aren't posted, and some vehicles are zipping along in zigzag paths at over 100 mph while others crawl along like old-lady turtles. Now and then you've got to weave your way through a congested area where many on-ramps all feed into the road simultaneously. You haven't seen an off-ramp yet, and you're not sure where to get off anyway. I figure, Aquarius, that 2008 had some resemblance to the scenario I just described. Luckily, I predict that no later than your birthday, you will find an off-ramp and exit onto an uncluttered backroad with great scenery.

yep brezsny summed it up perfectly. 2008 has been a full year of me screaming "just get the fuck out of my way" maybe that's another reason why slow ass crazy drivers have been getting on my last nerve. i'm just looking for an off-ramp.

and i love brezsny's horoscopes. they are not your typical blah blah blah 1 liners.

well folks i for one am happy to say goodbye to 2008 now all that's left is some new year cleaning.

had enough of turkey

2008-12-01T18:03:00.003-06:00

ooooowheeee people...if i am anything i am tired of turkey and i didn't even have that much. i am almost tired of dressing. god bless my mom, there are some things she just can't cook. but dressing isn't one of them. at least i don't think so. i love my mom's dressing. most of the time it's moist and she usually cooks it where the top is nice and crunchy. but 4 meals of it is border lining it.

biscuits, one of the main staples in a southerners diet falls short with my mom. flat and dry. but i think all biscuits are dry. however, my mom could cook great yeast rolls. hmmm maybe that's why i prefer rolls over biscuits. most of the time anyway. gravy doesn't go as well with rolls but that doesn't mean i don't try it every chance i can get. now gravy she could do. even when it didn't come from a mix.

pecan pie-nope my mom can't pull that one off either. but for decades we would and will continue to eat her pecan pie, even though you need a knife to saw the crust apart, for years to come. if she makes anymore that is. this thanksgiving she didn't. she made a punch bowl cake. it was tasty but she forgot to add several ingredients, oh yeah and the cake got a bit brown on the bottom and she didn't quite finish cutting off the brown parts. but i still had a great thanksgiving. overcooked food and all. isn't there a saying that says "dry food leads to great families"? no? well there should be.

which brings me to what i wanted to write about. how much i enjoy QVC. that channel cracks me up. i have never bought anything from QVC. i've been tempted. oh yes, i've been tempted. tonight the host was david venerable. at least i think that's his last name. david was selling food, which he does so well. for those of you not into QVC let me tell you about QVC host david. he is a southerner or so sounds like it and i think that he is gay (on the edge of queeny) and he is about 6'2. and that makes me like him even more. he also seems to get alot of the food showings and i think it's because he can chew visually very well.

anyway, some guy from harry london was there selling his chocolate. they are out of ohio for those of you interested. showing a 3 tiered box set of individually wrapped chocolates. yum. and the "today's top pick" so it was going for around 40 bucks. which apparently is a steal. and they were giving us the selling points of these chocolates. homemade, fresh ingredients, gourmet chocolate, and they are individually wrapped. the wrappers (most of them) tell you what type of candy they are. david, sharing a personal memory (as the host do) told about how when you buy the box candy you can't always tell what kind they are. so he would stick his fingers into the candy to find out. and david then said "well like my momma always said, if you stick your finger in it you gotta eat it". to me that was great. it's such a great quote.

if you didn't find it funny well then too bad.

out of the blue

2008-11-19T16:13:00.002-06:00

this year has been hard financially for me. from the beginning of the year to now, i have been spending money on things that were needed around my house. gutters, water heater, a new shed, mower, car fixed. this weekend was the first time in a long time where i took a list to the grocery store and wrote down the price of the product so i could keep up with how much i was spending. my last post was about taking my car in to be fixed. granted poor viviene needed it so i’m not bitching about it. but i have started to feel the strain of not having money available. i live alone and i am the soul provider of my household. there isn't another person who can help pull the load. but i manage. all of my bills are paid. i don’t have creditors hounding me. even though i am living month to month and sometimes week to week i still feel fortunate to have a roof over my head and all my bills paid. i have never made it a habit to "really" complain about not having money. it's always a good day if you have a roof over your head and food on the table.

but lately a numb depression has been surrounding me. “how am i going to afford christmas?” it’s a month away and i am so cash poor that i can’t even use my credit card to ease the tension. but at the same time that the numbness was taking over, i also felt a calmness about it also. maybe the numb feeling was the calm. don’t know. that’s a new feeling for me. and then today in the mail a blessing happened.

i have never in my life received an anonymous gift in the mail. but today, at work no less, i received mail that was addressed to me care of my work. it was a typed letter with a MERRY CHRISTMAS sticker on the front and a NO PEEKING sticker on the back. i was thinking that one of the sites had mailed their invoices to me with the christmas stickers stuck on the outside. however, when i opened it up there was a white piece of paper with MERRY CHRISTMAS typed on it and cash. yes cash. a lot of cash. for me it was a lot of cash. i was in tears. someone thought enough about me to send me money. and i don’t even know who it is. i haven’t voiced my “really broke” issue with many people. well maybe i do have an idea who it might be but i am not sure. it so came out of the blue but i guess that’s what blessings are. that money will take care of 3 birthday’s and 5 christmas gifts.

now i have to think about should i call the person who i think it is? but if that person wanted me to know who it was they would have put their name on it. either way they have made my day. i have had that good gooing feeling since lunch.

and i also know that even though i am broke as shit, i have friends who love me and care about me. and i could never repay that. i can only pay that forward. so thank you whoever sent me the money and thank you goddess for helping chose good friends. i am blessed.

taking viviene to the doctor

2008-11-06T12:50:00.002-06:00

i’m soooo glad the election is over and that my team won. so glad i am, that having to get my car fixed yesterday and just about breaking my bank, i didn’t get over anxious about it. for a while now, and by a while i mean years, my gear shifting has been a little to hard to...well shift. i have broken the gear twice already and had to drive with it zip-tied until i could fix it. but in the last week it got really bad. so bad that i was afraid that i was going to break the shifter thingy again. and i didn't want that to happen because brad said he wouldn't band-aid it again. it involves removing the console and getting down in the floor board to unscrew things. and of course i knew it was sick but i just keep putting it off. so on monday i took it to the mechanic 1 door down from my work. and let me just say how much that rocks to have a mechanic within walking distance from ones work.

anyhoo, i drove over there at lunch and explained my problem, and then left it there for the guy to look at and tell me what’s up. i also wanted him to check on this whine when my car started. the sound was loud and had been loud for....you guessed it....years. so i walked back to work and about 20 minutes later i get the call. the clutch master/slave cylinder needed to be replaced and the whine came from a bad serpentine belt, a idler pulley and the tensioner pulley. don’t i sound like i know what i’m talking about??? i must confess that i wrote that from looking at the bill. i have the general idea but i don’t know the name of things like that. i just takes up too much brain memory. so i went to pick up my car and he told me to bring it back on wednesday cause that’s when all the parts would be there. he also gave me an estimate on how much all of this would cost. i did have the money. barely. and might as well fixed all those problems now. but no worries. like i said, i knew i would be a feel good week.

so wednesday came, the shop called me to tell me that the parts were there, i drove it over and left viviene, that’s what i call my car, and headed back to work. still no worries. usually i would have been in a panic for the entire day over the money and the fact that i couldn’t just get in my car and go. granted i wasn’t planning on leaving spur of the moment from work but for me the access to my car gives me a certain amount of control. i called back around 3:30 cause i just couldn’t stand it anymore and pam the shop’s office manager said that’s it’s ready to go and the amount would be $464 dollars. so i rearranged my money on line and headed down there. but of course all of my rearranging of money didn’t go into effect yet so i had to pay by check and credit card and then come back to work and rearrange money for a second time. oh well. i am really really broke for about a month but now my gears shift like butter. i miss that. muscle memory came back into play and i realized why i enjoyed driving my car. and there is no more whine. my car is quiet. viviene likes being in stealth mode again.

all in all it wasn’t that much money considering that viviene is 12 years old and that’s the first time i have put that much money into her for things other than necessities.

and i found a mechanic that i like. he was nice and i think fair and he took the time to show me what he was going to do. he showed me the belt and then he showed me what he replaced. i appreciate that since i am a visual learner.

YES WE CAN

2008-11-05T08:31:00.002-06:00

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

Its the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

Its the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

Its the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.
Its been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.”

PRESIDENT-ELECT BARACK OBAMA

i voted for obama because he spoke to me. and by the looks of it he spoke to millions.

this man's a preacher to many.

we the people

2008-10-11T07:48:00.003-06:00

in less than a month the nation will decide on it's new president. it's become a heated battle and sometimes it feels that it's a fight between good and evil. our country is spiraling out of control and we haven't even glimpsed the bottom. our money's no good, the economy is collapsing, we are in a war under false pretense's, we have lost trust in our political leaders and the rest of the world hates us. this administration is arrogant and bullyish. 8 years ago a lot of people saw this coming and we voted against, who i feel is, one of the most disillusioned men in america. however, we were outnumbered. 8 years ago i took one look at gw and saw disaster. he would be nothing but trouble and i was shocked that other people didn't see it. my gut told me then that he wasn't the right man for the job. then 4 years ago me and a lot of other people were out voted again. i was once again shocked that people couldn't see his real face. but as time goes on i can see that maybe, just maybe he has destroyed this nations trust in itself so badly that people will scream out for change.

once again this year i have decided to follow my gut one more time. i know that it may not be the best way to determine who i vote for but it's a feeling that i have come to believe in. i remember one time where i told someone that's how i vote and that person said "you can't vote based on that" well yeah i can. it's my right as an american to do so.

late last year i saw a commercial where obama was promoting the superbowl. and even though he was on the tv for a few seconds my gut told me that he was "the one" to be the next president. long before the primaries had even started. every time i see him i can't get that feeling out of my mind. for the first time i feel that someone speaks to me and for me. he has a believable quality. but do i feel he is completely trustworthy? uuhhh no. what i do feel is that he will lead the way for people other than upper class white men to become the leaders of our country. no chance for women. no chance for hispanics, no chance for asians, no chance for people with a different belief other than christianity will be able to lead us until the door has been opened. and i believe that obama is the key to opening that door. to break down the good ole boy network. will be be the best president? don't know. will he make choices for this country based on the voice of the rich? yeah probably. will he fixed our corrupt system? no. we are way beyond being fixed by one man and one administration. but he will set a precedence.

for 8 years i have been able to tell all those people, who now bitch and complain about the state of the nation, "you voted for him- TWICE" i would now like the opportunity to be responsible for electing someone who has the potential to be great. and in 4 years when things are still bad you can feel free to look at me and say "you voted for him" damn right i did.

close to home

2008-10-10T13:13:00.007-06:00

the state is a buzz about the threats made by a mtsu student. and so they should. when i first heard about it yesterday i was proud of the fact that the school took the emails of “large-scale devastation” threats serious enough to cancel classes and secure the campus. as far as i could see, they had learned from the tragedy at virginia tech and shut it down. BUT THEN COMES THE BITCHING. it seems i have read the same article over and over again on different websites. but the comments have been caraaaaazy. in ‘the tennesean’ people are bringing race to their comments. some claim that this dumb ass boys threat were blown out of proportion. that the campus over-reacted. that of course the person who made these threats was black, because as we all know the prison’s are filled with black people and they are the only ones who commit crimes. are you freaking kidding me? the officials didn’t know who made the threats when they cancelled school. and it shouldn’t matter what color the boy was. what did matter was that his threats were serious enough to take action. some also say that the emails and notifications weren’t sent out fast enough or didn’t reach everyone. jesus h christ. when nobody dies. it’s a good day. the course taken wasn’t perfect but it worked-this time. and maybe after 1 scare under their belt it will work great the next time.
when i read the dnj, the comments were thankful that a potential crisis was averted. yeah because we live here. we go to mtsu or know someone who does and it would be a bad day indeed if the school had ignored the possiblity of threat. cause god knows that mtsu can be screwed up with a lot of things.

so the way i see it, we are dealing with boy who had a bad decision day and decided that if he sent some threatening emails he could get out of midterms. (yeah like that could happen, if not today then another. you don’t get out of mid-terms) or he wasn’t right in the head. either way he made a bad choice and should have to pay for that bad choice. or it could be a cry for help. whatever. but it could have been. if the boy had really wanted to hurt someone he wasn’t going to announce it. he would have just done it and we would be dealing with a huge loss. theatening people with death is just not the way to go. and he could be black, white, yellow, purple or chartreuse and i would still feel the same way. there needs to be huge consequences and he needs to pay for his actions. because we all know that there are going to be other crazy kids out there who think that by doing something similar that they will be able to get out of a problem.

cause some people are always trying to blame their problems on someone else. but that's a whole 'nother rant

2008-09-26T08:12:00.002-06:00

apparently the "emerging trend of female pastors" is not something that the good ole boys of the southern baptist convention want to try on.

if you haven't heard already this magazine was pulled from shelves across the country in the LIFEWAY christian bookstores (which are ran by the southern baptist convention) because the mag featured female pastors. however, you can request the mag from the christian bookstore clerk and that clerk will pull it out from under the counter. just like any other dirty porn magazine that the public shouldn't see.

now here is the thing. lifeway is owned the the SBC. and if the SBC don't believe in something like women pastors they have the right to pull the magazine from their shelves.

i grew up southern baptist if you can't tell. i went to church every time the doors where open until i left for college when i was 20. so when i rant about the christian's i feel i can speak from experience. i've experience the hypocrisy within the church, i have also experienced the holy spirit at work in the church. so it's not the individuals that i have a problem with it's the dogma. preaching the word of god while at the same time not treating all souls as equal.
the sbc and all the other denominations who refuse and don't believe in women being pastor's or reverend's or holy guide's i feel hide their oppression behind their so called interpretation of their scripture. to them there is no way in heaven that a woman could even be close to being called to preach.

so are women not worthy enough to preach the word of god? do women lack the wisdom and knowledge to bring souls to christ? is the weight of eve to great to overcome? it would seem to me that eve may have offered the apple to adam, but adam wasn't strong enough to refuse it. so who is the weak one here? both are to blame in their fall from grace.

i believe that god doesn't care about whether a person is a woman or a man when it comes to showing the way to salvation. and i don't believe jesus cares either. both work in mysterious ways, and if it is god's will that a women should lead then it would seem that refusing a women to lead would go against his will.

of course i really don't have a dog in this fight. i am just writing my opinion. i figured out a long time ago that my god doesn't roll that way. all facets of god loves all faces.

2008-09-11T14:49:00.002-06:00

well folks, it just another boring day at work. sometimes it gets so boring that i often contemplate getting a new job so i can be busy. i like to be busy at work. it makes the day go by faster and coming home that much sweeter. but on days like this i can't find enough to do. i do have filing to do but deep down in my heart i know that the task will only last a few minutes and not worth the trouble. i'm going to save it for a really busy day. i've even talked with other people today just to pass the time but most of them got lucky to sit through a boring presentation for a couple of hours. in the dark. in a very cool room. i don't think i could make it. i wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open.

so lets see what is going on in the real world.

mccain tagged sarah palin to be his vice president. whatever. i believe that the only reason he picked her was because hilary was getting a lot of the democratic votes and mccain and his minions thought it would be a great idea to jump on that band wagon. and the sad part is he might be right. i am sure that there are women out there who want a female president or in this matter as vice president so bad that they would vote for this aging prisoner of war just so the femi-nazis of this country can say that a women finally made it to the white house. and again whatever. i wont be voting for him just to see a tina fey look alike make it to the white house. i don't feel that she is qualified. she just has a vagina.

today is 9/11/08. a day to remember all the people who died because of some fundamentalist muslims who felt the need to prove a point and hijack airplanes and fly them into buildings.
and 7 years later where has it gotten us? think about it. just more deaths.
it's also my friend dollie's birthday. that's gotta suck. but happy birthday anyway. just be glad that your alive and well.

just a little something

2008-09-02T17:49:00.002-06:00

check out where the hell is matt if you haven't seen it already.

the language of dance is universal.

customer service means servicing the customer

2008-08-27T15:59:00.003-06:00

can you hear me now? good. can you hear me now? good.
yes i know that verizon can have some annoying commercials-my favorite being the 2 little ghosts boys in the hallway- but i am a big fan of verizon for so many reasons.

in my job of a/p gypsy and now a/r gypsy as a result of a mass lay off, i am in charge of dealing with all the cell phones for the company. luckily by the time i inherited the cell phone albatros we were down to 2 cell phone companies. verizon and sprint, which was nextel which was...oh who the hell knows. anyhoo, i have to occasionally call these companies for different issues. adding a phone, cancelling a phone, suspending a phone. with verizon i have a rep that can handle some of the questions like “i need a global blackberry and a global sim card by tomorrow” my rep says no problem.

if i have to call verizion, which is more than i call sprint “thank goddess”, after a few prompts i am answered quickly by a customer service person who is able to handle every issue i have. they are always nice and courteous and always act happy that i called. they act like your friend. go figure. a customer service person who actually wants to do their job and offer you service.

when i call sprint, after a few prompts, i always have to wait and wait and wait for a human to pick up the phone. all the while listening to ear piercing on hold music. and after the “i don’t want to be here” customer service person picks up they always talk way to fast and can’t ever seem to do the job that i need done. so back into call pergatory i go to wait and wait and wait for someone else to pick up to complete the issue. and they are just as unfriendly as the last person.

i am pulling this story from my experience today. i had to call sprint (which i had been dreading) to disconnect 3 numbers that would no longer be needed. so the first "i'm so happy to be here" guy picked up the call and of course couldn’t help me. even though i had all the pin#s correct and my blood sample matched. no #1 i'm so happy to be here boy couldn’t disconnect the phones so he sent me to #2 i'm so happy to be here girl. #2 girl really just didn’t want to be there. she acted like she would rather be sand papering her eyeballs than answer the freaking phone.
after saying no a thousand times to “would you like to consider only suspended this phone or instead changing this phone over to a broadband card” or whatever people call those things that hook into a laptop so it can get internet. i said “NO NO NO i don’t want to prolong the service in any kind of way on those #’s...please. i also wanted them disconnected on friday.”
#2 girl, “i can’t do that, your cycle ending 2 days ago and it wont be prorated”
“i don’t care. they need to not have service after friday”
“well i will be able to stop all incoming and outgoing calls, is that what you want?” #2 girl said with disdain
“no i just wanted to call you and be on hold for 10 minutes and have you talk to me like i was the hired help” no not really. i really said “yes that’s what i would like to happen but not until friday night”.
“ok i have that set to stop all incoming call and outgoing calls as of tonight” dumbass chirped
“NNNOOOOO, it needs to happen on friday night” sweet little me
so after i finally felt that me and “happy to be here in hell” girl were on the same page she of course has to do the ending dialogue of her speech.
“have i answered all you questions and met what you needed?”
“yes” i said in my nicest voice
and then the best question of all that i love to answer. it’s that last question, that if you have in someway not catered to me being that your job is customer service, that i will be truthful about.
“and one last question-on a scale of 1 to 10 please rate your experience with us today”
she was shocked when i said “6 and most of that is for being on hold for too long” cause i thought 6 was being generous but i refrained from being completely blunt. i need those numbers to stay connected until friday.

cable internet part deux

2008-08-23T12:11:00.002-06:00

well i've been having connection problem since i switched over to internet cable. my computer was dropping the signal and the address's (or what ever you call them) were disappearing. so thursday night i called comcast again. got another woman. which rocks and from her side she was thinking that it was the connection and not the modem. if it was the modem that would suck considering that i bought my modem and am in the process of getting the money back from the rebate. anyhoo, after setting me up with someone coming to my house on saturday, which is today, we hung up. and as soon as i hung up the connection came back. the woman called me back and said "hey, it's connecting again", "i know" i said, "well i think it's the connection" she said, "let's hope", i said. and ended the call.

on friday i came home from work and sat down to see what might be up with the connection. nope not there. however, i had the insight early on to write down all the numbers to all the lines (ips, subnet, dns server blah blah blah) when it was working properly and entered them manually. and i was up and going

now for anyone out there who has ever dwelt with comcast you really never know if they will show up on time or what kind of person you will get. will they be nice or just pissed off to be there, so i decided to let go of the stress and let what happens happen. i was scheduled to have someone out between 10 and 12. but at 9.45 dwayne called up and said he was on his way. he showed up at 10 and checked the connection at the poll. dwayne said that the connection was loose at the poll and that could have been some of the problem. then when he looked in the house he said right away that another reason for broken connection could be that i had been using the wrong size cable. apparently cable users should be using RG 6 cable and i was using RG 9. i also asked if that was going to effect some of my digital channels especially the national geographic channel. "sure". so i turned on the tv and luckily the channel was acting up. cause you know the problem NEVER happens when the technician is around. but it was. so he went to his truck and got out the right sized cable, hooked it up and boom the channel came on. yeah yeah yeah.
i went out after he left and bought the right cable. i haven't changed it over yet because it would mean a lot of moving shit. but my internet is working right now. lets see if after i change all the cables over if i have anymore problems.

but in the long run, dwayne was courteous, explained what i needed to fix the problem and gets kudo's for being a nice guy. at my job i'm not always the nicest person to deal with. i have a job to do and i don't tolerate stupid gracefully. however, if you are nice to me i'm nice to you and i always, ALWAYS try to get along with the IT people. i find that if you are nice to the people who keep your system running then they will keep you that way. the same attitude applies to the people who come to my house to repair or install something. they are there to do a job and if you treat them with respect more than likely you'll get it back.

it was easy as 1,2...

2008-08-13T06:45:00.002-06:00

by 6:30 last night i was up and running with my new HIGH SPEED internet. and it was easy to a point and that point was running the comcast install wizard. which is really the very first step after connecting all the cables.
everything was good but the connectivity, but my modem showed activity and my computer showed connection with the ethernet, so why wasn't it working? ah shit. i was going to have to call comcast. i was hoping to avoid that. so i called. problem with the system "our representatives are busy at the moment and will take your call in the order it arrived" blah blah. it was only a few minutes, the first time anyway. so some dude named james answered. i explained what the deal was and was on the phone for less that 5 minutes and i had already found out that he was from cincinnati and he was living in nashville and was trying hard to become a country music writer and at the moment beside working at comcast he was working as a staff writer on music row. in less than five minutes. but that happens all the time. i learn way to much about people i've never met. anyhoo, the bastard put me on hold an never came back. well i could have let myself get very pissed off about this but i chose to remain semi calm and call again. this time i got a girl, thank goddess because the guy sure as hell didn't help me. so i explained to "nesha" what the deal was and we come to find out that the reason that the wizard wont work is because i'm not set up in their system as having internet. since i had ordered my modem and kit from a comcast offers website the actually comcast had no idea, so that's why the wizard wouldn't work. but nesha rocked, she got me set up and i was able to get the same username that i had with bellsouth. and that made me excited. it's a simple name and i've had it for around 15 years and no one had chosen it yet from comcast. yeah me.
nesha even helped me set up my email account. and have i mentioned yet that brad really didn't do much of anything? nope not really much other than giving me moral support.
so it's all good now.

fly like an eagle

2008-08-12T14:35:00.002-06:00

oh people-todays the day
last week i sent for my self install kit from comcast for HIGH SPEED internet. i have decided to pay the extra money for HIGH SPEED internet and get rid of my land line. and today it has arrived.

i have been on dial up for about forever now and even though i am semi-ok with the slloooowwwwneessss of it i was still not ready to make the jump because of the price. however, it seems now that the only people calling me are telemarketers ( and yes i did sign up to be on the no call list but the roaches still seem to get through) and if i got rid of my phone and the internet through them i will be saving money.
it was getting rid of the land line that has been the biggest obstacle on my road to HIGH SPEED browsing. for some reason i connected the land line to being grounded. it’s the way it has always been. for me and people my age we didn’t have computers when i was in high school much less the ability to fly like an eagle around the world and back from the comfort of my living room. and everyone had a land line. i’m ok with change after the fact it’s the decision to change from what i have always known that makes me stop. it’s in our genetic makeup to fear change it’s also in our genetic makeup to explore. yes i know that i am comparing getting HIGH SPEED internet to exploring but that’s the way i process so back off. this morning i was all set to bitch about the disabled peoples boycott of “tropic thunder” which i think i crazy. if you want to be treated as an equal to the NON-special people you need to get used to people making fun of you. this little rant is much more positive.
so today when i go home brad is going to help me set this hi-tech stuff up. the problem may be is that i have a MAC and that is something my brainiac boyfriend is not familiar with. but as he has said many times in the end it’s all the same. so we shall see.

brad is also the one who found the site that would allow me to get internet for 19.99a month for 6 months and also a (free) modem. and if i’m not on crack i think they will also give me $100. the (free) modem and $100 are after rebate of course. but i’m good with rebates. so far that is.

2008-08-04T10:41:00.007-06:00

there is a scene from “the chronicles of riddick” that has been running through my mind lately. the scene takes place after riddick has been caught and is taken to the planet Crematoria. for those of you who haven’t seen the movie. crematoria is a dead world were the day time surface temperatures (like a 1000 degrees) scorch the face of the planet, while the night time temps are survivable. it’s also a prison miles underneath the surface. anyway, when the sun isn’t blaring and darkness is over the land, it’s possible to exist on the surface but when the sun comes it destroy anything living with it’s blast furnace heat. this is how it’s been feeling lately here in the ‘boro. night time is bearable but the the daytime is freaking hot. not to mention that the humidity is around 70%. so everyday when i walk out side and i immediately feel sticky and hot that scene runs through my mind. it doesn’t help that i’ve seen this movie more than several times and that’s the only scene that i remember vividly.

it’s also the dog days of summer. it’s a time from around the middle of july to the middle of august. wikipedia calls it a phenomenon. don’t know why it’s a phenomenon. but it’s considered a “time period or event that is very hot or stagnant, or marked by a dull lack of progress”. also ‘popularly believed to be an evil time “when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies” -brady’s clavis calendarium”. yep that about covers it.

however, my banana plants are digging it. especially since i put them in pots this year instead of planting them. i find i am more likely to water a plant in a pot then in the ground.
here are some pics. the bigger tree is suppose to bear fruit in it's 3rd year which is next year.

the leaves are huge. you can see my arm holding up the leaf. they are about a yard long

and here are the babies.

if you don't have anything to say

2008-07-21T15:15:00.003-06:00

then don't say anything.

yeah that sounds like me. i'm known for keeping my mouth shut.

ya'll i am tired of hearing brett favre’s name. what i do find weird is that when i do hear his name it’s on the radio and t.v. but i never see any articles about him. from what i understand he went into retirement from the packers but decided he wanted to play again but got pissed off when the packers wouldn’t let him start. he sounds like a big ol’ baby, that’s what i think.

big brother started again. last time it sucked. they had big brother “soul mate” or something like that. each person in the house had another person in the house that was suppose to be their soul mate. oh please. so i didn’t watch much of it. i do believe that big brother would be the reality show that i could handle being on, if it wasn’t for the slop. i’m not into eating anything that looks like oatmeal and god knows what it taste like. i’m a picky eater.

also some of my other favorite reality shows have started again. “sheer genius” & “project runway”. yeah. i love my t.v. and it’s too hot to go outside.

last night was the sneak preview of "dinner impossible" with michael symon. the food network hired michael to do the show after robert irvine fattened up his resume with some bullshit info. anyway...for desert he decided to fry up some bacon and cover them in chocolate and then add almonds on top.
OH
MY
GOD
as some of you may know i am a bacon addict, and i had to remove myself from looking at the t.v. because it was just toooooo much for me. bacon and chocolate? my 2 favorite things. it was all i could do not to run into the kitchen at 10pm and pull out the bacon and melt some chocolate and have at. but i used my willpower to just walk away. it didn't help that a little later brad came into the bed room to tell me that one of the women who tried the desert said from me to eat my heart out.

i need to give a congrats shout out to BF brad. he is now on the grid.

happy birthday America

2008-07-07T07:35:00.003-06:00

what a long weekend. me, brad and the kid-lettes spent the 4th with the boyd-reeds, doing what all good americans do to celebrate our countries freedom. eating and fireworks. i don't quite know how having friends over for a cook-out represents our country's birthday, but i would like to think it has something to do with our right to assemble, and our right to blow our hands off with explosives. or in one of my friends cases, burn your finger with a sparkler. those sparklers can be dangerous people.

anyhoo, after stuffing ourselves for several hours some of us headed over to campus to watch the fireworks accompanied by mtsu's orchestra. i LOVE to watch fireworks. personally i find it an art. the ability to mix and match elements in a small container and then upon explosion create beautiful figures of sparkly bits and colors.

we got to campus a little early. found our spots on the grass amid the other hundreds of people who came to see and experience the same occasion. it's these moments that i feel connected to everyone. a collective mass of other beating hearts who may not share the same beliefs but do share the common bond of being in and being a AMERICAN.

the long awaited drumbeat

2008-06-19T06:52:00.003-06:00

meet the new addition to my drum family

this is a native frame drum. my friend stan "the drum man" finally finished it. stan is great. he has been traveling the country for over a decade teaching people and helping people make their own drum at his drum workshops. they usually last 2 days. you can decorate your drum shells, and that's the easy part. it's the stringing the can shread the skin off your hands.
if any of you are interested in having a workshop check out the website. buildadrum.com or you could email stan at stan@buildadrum.com

ashiko's, djembe's, djundjun's these are all african drums. but for the longest time i have been wanting a tribal drum or the native frame drum. and now i have it.
the skin is elk, the frame is cedar. the back handle (if you can see it) is deer antler. i'm thrilled and i am still waiting for the skin to dry so i can hear her tone.

i do confess that i don't play as much as i use to. i guess when the opportunities reduce the playing does to. i'm not one to play at home by myself.

the itsy bitsy spider

2008-06-02T15:12:00.001-06:00

the itsy bitsy spider just fucking bit me. and wasn’t so itsty bitsy at all. it was as big as the palm of my hand...well a good couple of inches. on saturday evening i went outside to push mow my side yard since all the scrap metal from the shed is gone, gone, gone. and i though hey at the same time i will move the concrete diverter? that diverts the water from the downspout a different way. so there i was, rocking it back and forth when all of a sudden a sharp hot piercing pain came from my top knuckle on my thumb. i think the little fucker even stayed attached cause when i shook my hand something slung off it.
at this point many things went through my mind. i was pissed, scared that i would have to go to the hospital (which i don’t want to do at all) and how this all fits into my way of thinking with animal totems. but mainly i was pissed. how dare this spider bite me.
i ran inside and soaked my thumb in alcohol, which took away the initial burn. then i started freaking out. my body had just been bitten and adrenaline had just been dumped into said body. was i having a reaction to the bite? or just over-saturated with adrenaline? the thumb started to swell and i knew i needed to go onto the internet to see what i could see. all in all i treated it like an insect bite and put ice on it.
and then i called brad. i needed someone to talk me down from my freaking out high. and it worked.
i was still pissed. i wanted to start mowing and i wasn’t about to let the little fucker defeat me. so i went out and mowed. all the while thinking what the hell was that all about? when i have encounters with creatures i believe that spirit is trying to tell me something but even now i haven’t figured it out. the next day my thumb was stiff and sore and a little red but today it just feels like i bruised it.
if you haven’t figured it out by now i have never been bit by a spider, or where i recognized it as a full out assault from the 8 legged creature. and i find it very confusing. bee stings? no problem. wasp? no problem. sweat bees? no problem but a spider? iiiii don’t get it. i feel personally attacked.

but i’ll live. and sometime in the future i will see what spirit is trying to tell me other than wear gloves. but you see i do wear gloves...usually.
and i will still remove the little fuckers from my house instead of killing them.

project "new shed" FINISHED

2008-05-29T06:47:00.008-06:00

yeah the new shed has been finished for quite some time. but many things have been going on and postings of pictures of days past were more important to me than showing the completed shed with ramp. but i have just moved the slideshow to the main page and on we go.
look at the inside. i can fit things in it. like mowers and ladders and...stuff. i can fit stuff in that shed and i don't have to worry about the shed falling down.

now the ramp was a different creature all together. my man the engineer was in charge of the ramp. i say that like he wasn't in charge of everything else but that is neither here nor there. it took mr. man a while to get the right angles on the ramp. my yard slopes every so slightly and the ramp was...well something to think about. but it's done.

yes the hole in the middle of the ramp was thought out. yes there is a hole because we ran out of wood but i like it. it's very i ching. i will like it until i fall through it and out it will go. i am trying to figure out what i can put on the ground that you would be able to see. colors stones, glass a cool plaque?

and finally landscaping.

all my rowdy friends are coming over tonight

2008-05-22T09:39:00.026-06:00

as promised. then and now pictures. i do have to apoligize to shannon and wendy. i couldn't find any up close picture's of you back then. so i just included the now. but wendy i do have a good one of you at halloween. i would have liked to organize them but i can only do so much on the blog. but do check out the slide show. i do have a disclaimer. not all of the now pictures came from me but from dollie and shannon who own a digital camera. i hope you guys don't mind.

reunion

que the 80's music-

time goes on but somethings remain the same

2008-05-19T11:20:00.003-06:00

it was mtsu’s theatre alumni reunion weekend and of course i didn’t go to any of the functions. the reasons can be listed on a regular sheet of lined paper but the readers digest version is “been there, done that”.
but the reunion brought back to the boro several people who i haven’t seen in a long time. mike and dollie hosted a small gathering on friday night. those in attendance were, mike & dollie of course, me, craig (el badger), jenny from new zealand, shannon from miami, wendy from springfield (tn), lee from west (by god) virginia and derek from the lovely city of la vergne. if i have forgotten someone i am terribly sorry, i wasn’t drunk but my memory sometimes is.
anyhoo, friday night was great. i don’t know if it’s me or not but i have found many times that when i am around friends from college i feel relaxed. there is no having to explain who you are. no hoping to god that they get your sense of humor, or in my case not to piss someone off because a tactless comment has come out of my mouth. i had several circles of friends in college. friday night was a cross section of them. and if i remember correctly these people love a good argument, they are very bright and charismatic and it’s hard to get a word in edgewise. so if you got something to say you need to bring your stage voice. and if you don’t have anything to say then why the fuck are you there?
we all looked great. none of us look a day over 25. i am convinced that our perception of age is skewed when it comes to people we knew and loved in our 20’s. of course there a few more wrinkles and a lot more life experiences but the energy is the same.
we rehashed old memories danced to 80’s songs and showed pictures of our lives now. i found old pictures from the college days and brought them over so everyone could remember how much we partied and drank ourselves silly. a lot of “oh my god, i remember that party” or “hey that’s so and so with hair”. and pics of people who are no longer with us on this earth.

saturday night was another round of drinking and hanging out. an ex-professor showed up and for the out of towners it was a good time to get caught up with her.
hopefully then and now pictures will be coming later.

project "new shed"...almost there

2008-05-15T06:36:00.008-06:00

well the deck was easier to put up than the shed. it also took longer to put up the shed. however, it wasn't difficult.

so 2 weekends ago the whole crew came and put up the thousand piece shed. not really but at times it felt like that.
so what you see above is the bottom track and the corners going in first. the kids helped. every exterior screw or bolt had to have a plastic washer on it so they prepared the screws for us. they would also hold up the metal if we needed it. and after a couple of hours of that it was all down hill for them. craziness insued. but i felt that they could have been alot worse so it was all good.

here is eli coming out of the finished bottom half. and then a pic of the thingy's that go across the shed to help hold up the roof. eli is a good helper. they all are but eli does what you ask and doesn't ask alot of questions. unlike ethan who can always find a fault or give a suggestion on how you need to do something. just like his father.

anyhoo, at this point it was hot outside. brad has already sliced his finger and bled on the metal and the deck. at least it was a clean cut, that metal is SHARP. but that helped me out. him slicing his finger and all. i was wondering how i was going to bless the shed and brad did it for me. to me it's good luck to bled on your work. i'm a seamstress for the theater by hobby and it is good luck to prick your finger while sewing and then spread your blood on a seam, if your lucky to get to a seam. so when he bled on the shed it was good luck. i don't think brad shared the same thought. but that's what he gets. i had started out as the one screwing the shed together but i was going to slow and methodical so he took over. men. they have to rush through everything. well rushing will get you sliced.

finally got the roof on that evening just as the sun was going down. all the screws weren't in but it was good enough. the next day, i think. i made brad finish the roof. and secure down the shed to the deck. he was quite nasty about it. he wasn't in the mood to finish his work and he didn't like me asking questions. but i knew heavy winds were coming and he needed to finish the job. so whatever.

it n' it cute? i like it. from the front of the house it has opened up the back yard. BUT it's still not done. there is one last thing to be done. the ramp hasn't made it. i need the ramp. that was one of the reason's i got a shed was to house my new mower. and to do that i need a ramp. it's taking some time and with it raining every day. that and the fact that i have a slightly sloping yard. so hopefully my big new shed project will be done soon...hopefully.

toodles

blessed beltane to all

2008-05-01T07:03:00.007-06:00

In your neat garden iris grows
Bright yellow, mauve - in stately rows.
This one you’ve picked’s a lovely thing,
I know it brightens up our spring.
But in the forest, springtime’s child,
A purple iris growing wild,
Can melt my heart as spring melts snow,
It’s spoilt me for the sort you grow!
- Jude, Wild Iris

happy beltane or may day everyone. may day is all about fertility, sensuality, and delight and flowering of life. a beginning of growth.

a mayday or beltane tradition is to fill a basket of flowers and give to someone in need of caring or healing. here is my gift to you.

project new shed day 4ish

2008-04-25T06:52:00.003-06:00

wow, the dek block system rocks. put the block down on a semi level surface and then cut a 4 x 4 block to level out the joist. i kept wanting to square things up and make things perfect. brad was constantly saying "you don't need to, it will take care of itself." but seriously, if you have lot's of rocks in your yard. or you don't want to dig and don't care about seeing a couple of blocks underneath your deck. (i'm sure you can hide them somehow). then dek blocks are for you.

i'm sounding like a commercial. so far it's been a couple of hours each night and brad doing all the work and last night the deck boards started to go on. (yes all by themselves)

on these pictures you can see the 4 x 4 post cut to size to level out the joist. they are toe nailed (screwed ) in. then it's easy peasy from there. (like i would know). so far brad hasn't really let me doing much of anything. i don't exactly know why, but i think it may have something to do with him thinking it would slow him down. and he is right, i would be slow but it's not like i've never used tools before. when i was in the theatre i built a lot of things and used a lot of tools. big tools. tools that i wouldn't touch today. but where was i? oh yeah. the top deck boards have started going in. soon i'll be ready to set up my new metal 8 x 10 shed. that came in a 3 x 6 box. doesn't seem quite right, sizing wise that it. but...when it comes to assembly i don't question, i just pull out everything, make sure all the pieces are there and i read the instructions.

until next time.

project new shed...day uhh 3ish?

2008-04-24T13:24:00.002-06:00

things have been happening a little at a time on the new shed. we stopped work last thursday. we took the weekend off. well brad took the weekend off. he had the kids and was working on his plot of land. so on saturday i dismantled the old shed 1 screw at a time. no using the sledge hammer. i patiently unscrewed each corroded, molded, painted over screw on the old rusty shed. now the pieces are stacked up in a pile waiting for haul off.

monday we set the corner blocks for the deck. pictures will come later. yesterday we laid all the other blocks and the floor joist. oh wait. we laid all the blocks but 1. that will happen tonight. so maybe by tomorrow we will be ready to put the floor boards on.

oh concrete ye will nary get the best o' me

2008-04-17T06:58:00.004-06:00

this specific concrete that is. ok-so last night was the night to see if we (brad) could break up the concrete enough so we (brad) wouldn't need the jack hammer i was going to rent. i had an idea of what to do with some of the concrete chunks. i am recycling them to make a flower bed wall. they have a rustic flare and lots of edges. and frankly i don't give a shit. what else was i going to do with the concrete pieces? i have sink holes but i really didn't want to fill them in with concrete and my other option was to throw them out into the woods.

i get home, change clothes and head out to start putting the big concrete chunks into my new red wheelbarrow. that i of course cover with thick plastic so the concrete wouldn't scar my new red wheelbarrow. anyway, i soon find out that there is of course a wire mess sheet underneath the concrete. after a lot of hitting and smashing from brad we realize that what we really need to do is remove the wire mesh and then just maneuver the concrete pieces around so we can set the dek block underneath all the rubble. cause that's what it's going to be. rubble. i mean look at it, thousands of rocks. we both vote to hide it.

a little into the job brad has to leave, before he goes i try out the sledge hammer. not to bad. kind of fun. got safety glasses. (i did have brad take a picture but it was staged and didn't turn out good) while he is gone my goal is to pull up the wire mess embedded in the concrete. which i did. i am proud to say. i was exhausted and i could barely lift the sledge hammer but i did it.

the wire is NO longer embedded into the concrete. there is still concrete attached to the wire, but as brad says "no problem, take a sledge hammer to it". which i plan on doing tonight.

to recap-in the beginning my intentions were to remove all concrete from the area so the dek block could set on the earth. now after the destruction and the realization that there is way to much rubble the the rubble will be moved around to accommodate the block. brad and i are too lazy to really clean it all out. and since a deck will be going above it it sounds like the perfect solution.

i need to add that after a good 30 or 40 minutes welding a sledge hammer, not constantly of course, that i only feel pain in the sides of my lower back. and even that isn't to bad. i have a splinter that is causing me more pain.

project "new shed" day 1....kindof

2008-04-16T06:54:00.007-06:00

so after all the spending i have been doing fixing things that were breaking around the house i decided to go further into debt and start a project that i was more or less in control of. i have needed a new shed for...well...longer than i have lived at the house. when i bought the house the shed came complete with rusted metal panels and leaky roofs and doors that wouldn't shut completely and were dented. well maybe that is my fault. my car decided to run into them one night when i forgot to pull up the hand brake. but anyway. the shed sat on a reasonable facsimile of a concrete base. it was crumble and crackly and hopefully will make the extraction of said concrete base easy.

project "new shed" was officially started yesterday. even though i cleaned the shed out on sunday...mostly.

one of the things i forgot to do was to take a before picture. so when i came out with my camera phone brad (who i need to mention is a stud) held the shed back up so you could get the idea. it was already on it's side by the time i remembered.

at this point i should say that i was close to being a little stressed because all the screws wouldn't come out of the shed. i was wanting to destroy the thing in an orderly fashion. that didn't happen. that wont happen. bf brad just explained that it was no big deal that he could break it apart using the sledge hammer and proved it. "let go, let goddess".

look at it now. all compacted into one flat pile. it will still need to be dismantled a little more but i feel much better about it.

now onto the concrete base or the reasonable facsimile thereof.

this is the base that will have to come out. with the help from brad i am going to put the new shed on a deck. using lumber of course and dek block. cause i HATE to dig.
i have reserved a jack hammer for friday. but brad tried the sledge hammer and is thinking we may not need it cause so far it seems soft enough to break. or whatever allows concrete to break easy. so if he wants to use his he-man muscles to break apart the concrete who am i to argue. he's good like that.

let's see how the rest of the project goes. luckily i follow directions well. but i do tend to become over whelmed if i am allowed to look at the big picture. as long as i can keep focus on the task at hand and brad doesn't loose patience with me it will all be good.

today i need to buy a wheel barrow. so until next time.
toodles.

i love a rainy night

2008-04-04T07:04:00.000-06:00

oooooo weeee. i love me some sleepin' in the rain with the windows open. i don't know what it is about that but i love it. i sleep better and deeper. i especially like the faraway slow rolling thunder. not that i know that it's there most of the time cause i have been known to sleep through thunder storms right over my house. which doesn't bode well for me if a tornado decided to show up. but i so enjoy listening to the sound. before i had my gutters replaced back in december the old gutters had many, many holes in them. most of the holes happened to be right beside the windows. you knew immediately that it was raining. it was also loud but not in a obnoxious way. i remember the first time it rained after i had new gutters. the sound outside wasn't quite right. i missed the loud fast dripping right beside the window. now if the windows are closed it's very hard to tell if it's raining. my house is very sound proof. it's because my ceilings are thousands of pyramids. but that's another story.

link's iron boots

2008-03-27T08:23:00.000-06:00

i am ready for this year to be over.
in one week alone my water heater burned up. yep, there was a hole burned through the metal of the water heater. this happened on a sunday. went to home depot on monday and bought a new water heater and then had to take a half a day off from work so someone could install it.
after the install water heater dude went to turn on the breaker to the water heater. the electric panel started crackling a little. now at this point i would like to add that i have heard the electric panel do this before and wasn't too concerned however, since the breaker didn't trip when the water heater burned a hole through the metal cover i decided to deal with the problem. so....2 days later an electrician came out to check out the electric panel. when electrician dude tried to trip the breaker, nothing, nada no sound, no crackling. electrician dude said nothing looked bad or over heated. so ok fine. at least i dealt with it and nothing was wrong.
this monday, i had taken a vacation day and i woke up to a strange noise. when i got up the outside heating & a/c unit was making A LOT of noise. so i called roscoe brown to come and check it out. heating dude shows up, listens for a second to the noise and says "i know what the problem is, the motor for the heat has busted, and it's not cheap" me-"how not cheap is it?" RB dude went to get his book and it would be around $400. well i need the motor for heat. and i would rather deal with it now than later.
today is thursday and nothing else has happened. i am hoping the the mystery of things happening in 3's is working for me.

through all of this i keep going back to the 'LEGEND OF ZELDA:TWILIGHT PRINCESS" game. or whatever the name of it is. the main character "LINK" in the early stages of the game gets awarded iron boots. these boots allow him not to moved. he can be knocked over but not really moved. it's like when he puts them on his is stuck to the ground. walking is hard. so he only puts them on when he doesn't want to be moved. i feel like i have been wearing those boots all year. wearing iron boots and slowly trudging through the months. and i'm kind of tired of being knocked over. money is flying out the door and sometimes i think that i would rather be renting. AND it's only march.

in just-spring

2008-03-20T07:38:00.004-06:00

in just-

spring when the world is mud

luscious the little

lame balloonman

whistles far and wee.

e.e. cummings.

today is the first day of spring 2008. at my house the forsythia's have popped their bright yellow color, the trees are budding and the crab apple tree that i planted last year has made it through the heat of summer and the cold of winter and is getting ready to do it's thing.

i am so ready for warmer weather. i'm ready to open up the windows and let the breeze take away with it the old closed in winter feeling. bringing in fresh new allergies to take with me into summer.

easter is coming really early this year. if you don't know already or haven't realized it, easter moves around. easter falls on the 1st sunday after the 1st full moon after the spring equinox. hmmm sounds kind of pagany doesn't it. please forgive my constant references back to paganism. i just don't believe that any religion should get on their high horses about the meaning of holidays that didn't belong to them in the first place. i don't have a problem with them celebrating them but to be honest about where they came from.

i like holiday's of all sorts. especially when there is candy involved.

HAPPY SPRING

HAPPY EASTER

HAPPY HAPPY

man of many hats

2008-03-05T08:00:00.000-06:00

you know...sometimes i hate my job. my offical title is accounts payable. i pay bills for a living but i also seem to be the one who gets handed all sorts of different jobs. how does that saying go? "man of many hats". well fuck the hats, i don't really care for hats. i think they can be pretty to look at but i don't want to wear them.

for some reason my boss years ago thought it would be a good idea for someone who never travels and had only been on a plane once in their life to handle travel for people who travel all the time. are you freakin' kiddin me? personally i think it's because the higher up's at my place of business either can't make flight arrangements for themselves or their position is too important to make those arrangements. and i can't complain too loudly because i "do travel" for the ceo and cfo of the company and my boss is the...i don't know what you call them...they have been together for decades but never married..."life partner" of the ceo. so of course she does his bidding as quickly as possible. my ceo can appear to be laid back but i've seen him pissed off. so i can't go to her and say "i'm so tired of doing his travel, he changes his mind at least 3 times before he leaves." seriously, he changes his mind a lot. sometimes inflight. and recently he has been asking what kind of planes he will be traveling on. huh? whatever.

"they" say money can't buy you happiness but i would like to try and see if it could buy me a person who knows travel to handle my travel.

oh the weather again

2008-02-19T11:41:00.002-06:00

hot-cold-hot-cold. that's how the weather has been running here lately. a couple of weeks ago it was warm and with it came tornados killing dozens of people. the tornado's came through in the night. it always seemed to me that tornado's came through in the morning or evening but not usually in the late night.

i've lived in tennessee all my life, i have seen the funnel clouds and the destruction that it leaves behind but i have never been directly affected by one other than minor hail damage. i consider myself very lucky. i do know that you never know how or where they will strike. i remember seeing a path of destruction from the 1974 tornado's in east tennessee. an old brick house that was built 3 bricks thick was gone and then right across the road another building was standing strong. all you can do is shake your head and wonder.
also in the 1974 tornado's i remember standing outside with the family watching the storm come.(why we do that, i don't know) we lived in a rural area with lots of farmland. we could see the funnel cloud over the next rise. my dad told my mom, sister and me to get in the car and drive to the access road so we could get on the interstate and drive the other direction if it got to bad. i remember sitting at a gas station listening to the weather and looking outside to see what was going to happen. hail started falling...really big hail and then nothing. the eerieness gone. and it was over. we headed back home to find everthing as it was. and through all of that i never felt a sense of fear from my family. no freaking out. no "oh my we are going to die". no panic.
just another day in the country. you take it as you see it.

back to the present-2 days ago it was in the 70's this morning it was snowing. yep, we southerners seem to be always talking about the weather. it's because there's always something going on with it.

addendum to the hokey pokey philosophy

2008-01-28T15:59:00.000-06:00

*The Hokey Pokey*
Shakespearean Style

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

thanks to my sister for passing this on to me.

oh the weather outside...

2008-01-22T11:50:00.000-06:00

is FREAKIN' cold. it's raining today and if it freezes overnight, we here in the south are screwed. and contrary to popular belief, us southerners can drive in the snow. but you see we don't get just snow. snow always comes hand in hand with inches of ice. or just enough ice that it hides in the road and when a car, that just came off the blocks that weekend, drives over it grabs that car and makes it do unfamiliar things. cause the only thing we know about ice is iced tea and ice cold beer. and of course we know that we need to buy bags of it if we are having a party. but to know enough about it to walk on it or drive on it just ain't happening.

monday was my birthday. yeah me. the celebrations started on friday. lori took me out to lunch. we went to the GOLDEN EAGLE. it's a mongolian stir fry place. and i loved it. it's a picky eaters dream. however, lori got sick and said it was food poisiong. sorry lori but that's what comes from eating your veggies.

saturday i went to my best friend dave's house to hang out with him and his wife. had a great time. they got me a fold out star that light's up and a hot pink sari. i tried it on a few times and then hung it on my wall.

sunday just laid around the shack. brad and i got the errands done early and then both of us just relaxed.

on monday i got a massage. it was great and i have the bruises to prove it. brad and i ended the evening with a meal at demo's. paid for a gift certificate from david and the girls and the money that has come out of brad's pockets before or after i do the laundry.

tata for now chicklettes.

2008-01-11T12:40:00.000-06:00

2008 thank goddess.
let's see. it's been 11 days and i have had my house refinanced, new gutters installed, a mammogram and a physical. i'm healthy by the way. even though i ate every sugar product in grabbing distance for the last 2 months, my sugar levels were great and my cholesterol was better than average. the doctor said that i must have good genes. "yes i do" i replied. i come from a loonnnng line of farmers who ate nothing but potatoes, corn and bread and of course some veggies and probably more pork than beef. thank goddess again. i love me some bread and potatoes. and by the looks of it-processed sugar. and this week i replaced the inner workings of my toilet with a little help from bf brad.

last week i attended the future planning commission meeting for rutherford county. i received a letter in the mail letting me know that there was going to be a meeting about a zoning change for my neighborhood and since i lived 500 of the change it was required by law to inform me. some body wanted to put in a "junk yard" on 16 acres of wooded land inside my neighborhood which is called on the map "LAZY ACRES". it was very important for us to attend this first meeting. 10 households showed up. which is a lot considering there are only around 35-40 house's. mr. junk yard man was the first to speak. he explained what he was wanting to do with the land. it was going to be a dismantling area for cars. a very nice modern facility. surrounded by a tall closed fence. working hours would be normal business hours and HUGE trucks would be bringing the cars in daily for dismantling. oh yeah i think they were going to crush them there too. several people lined up to talk against the change. it's a neighborhood where children play and people walk and both streets are a dead ends. guinea hens room from house to house not a lot of traffic and feels safe. NO MISTER JUNK YARD MAN. i was the last to talk cause after i sat down. mr. junk yard man got back up and said that he wasn't for it now and he withdrew his request. LAZY ACRES voice was heard saying OH BUT NO, PRINCESS, no one thinks that's a good idea. i would like to think that mr. junk yard man had no idea about the big picture, but after hearing the people who lived there talk realized that it wasn't a good thing.

until next time

the hokey pokey philosophy

2007-12-31T22:02:00.000-06:00

new year's eve. i just finished smudging my house and updating the protection barriers for the coming year. i haven't cleaned the house like i would have wanted but this year i decided to let go and throw out STUFF that i have been keeping around the house for years. i re-arranged cabinets and drawers. and now the weather outside has turned windy. for me the wind is blowing out the old and bringing in the new. and as i sat down to burn sweet grass and talk to myself and the goddess about what i wanted to achieve in the coming year, i thought about the HOKEY POKEY. yes the HOKEY POKEY as in the children's song the HOKEY POKEY. i had decided that i wanted more magic in my life. when i was younger i loved 'magic' the unexplained, the mystical side of life. and the hokey pokey came to mind. don't know why, didn't ask why. i'm just listening to the "inner child"... yeah i know-new agey, but listen to me.

remember when as a child you were asked to stand in a circle and sing along...
"you put your right arm in, you take your right arm out, you put your right arm in and you shake it all about. you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. that's what it's all about!" the song is repeated with different body parts and then the song tells you to put your whole body in. and that's where it can get really crazy.

i remember
i loved the hokey pokey as a child and i love the hokey pokey now and i've decided to turn it into a philosophy. the circle equals a community, a togetherness, a common bond. the middle of the circle is life. the body parts that enter the circle are different aspects of ourselves. we are asked to enter life, but we choose to leave the
center. some leave for good and choose not to reenter and walk away thinking that's a stupid song. but some go back into the center and get that aspect of our life shaken all about. but we do the dance and we turn ourselves around in whatever form that takes. and that's what it's all about. life is a dance. right now mine might be the hokey pokey. who knows. in the coming year think about what's your dance of life.

see ya in the new year.

i'm still standing

2007-12-13T11:55:00.001-06:00

d-day for layoff's at my place of employment have come and gone. the deed was done on monday, much to everyone's surprise. but i am still here.
it was a very sad day. there were 5 people laid off from my side of the building. 4 of the women i have known for 9 years. the other 1 i knew for 2 years. i saw and talked to these ladies more than i saw or talked to my friends and family. i heard about their children and their children's children. i knew the quirks and i could tell just by looking at them if they were in a bad mood. i will miss them very very much. i wish them well and am hoping that after the shock wears off that they will see this as a blessing and a push to do something better.

now i am one of the few left standing in accounting. i can only assume that i am still here based on my ability to adapt to change. personally i think it's because of my electric personality. whatever the reason i am lucky to have a job.

i just read where terry pratchett (my favorite author of all time) has been diagnosed with a rare form of early onset Alzheimer's. here's hoping that in between the drug company's hurried rush to produce drugs to give men erections and sustain them that they have been working on a drug to keep this disease at bay.

seems like old times

2007-12-07T11:47:00.000-06:00

wow it feels like it's been forever since i wrote something.
so let's see if i can fill up some space.
it's december. and in december comes xmas. a poor month for me.
i had a girl xmas work party last friday. it was fun. i would like to take this time to say that I LOVE CHOCOLATE MARTINI'S. they are mmmm..mmmm good. the only drink where i lick the inside of the glass. tomorrow is the company party. that's were we get to dress up and have a nice sit down dinner. the band this year will be KEN SCAT SPRINGS. he and his band have been playin' our parties for years.

and during this busy and stressful month i believe that my company will go through a lay off. i hope i'm safe, i think i'm safe but....you never know. but it's all good. i am going with the belief that if i am suppose to be here then i will be. if the universe wants me to go out and do something else then maybe the upcoming week will be my last at this place.

i have gotten out of a summons for jury duty for the county that i used to live in. i have refinanced one of my home loans.

more in the upcoming weeks. here's to having a weekly income.

it's all about the shoes

2007-11-02T11:10:00.001-06:00

around 8 years ago i bought these red shoes because i thought that they were coooolll. they have around a 5 inch heel and i've never worn them before. so since wednesday was halloween i decided that that was a perfect time to wear the shoes.
the 2nd pic is me at work at my desk. i came as "the devil u-know". you might not be able to see it but i am wearing one of the "hello my name is" stickers with "u-know" as the name. i thought it was pretty clever of me, especially since i got to wear the shoes but it was lost on a lot of people i work with.

i'd also like to tell everyone about my best friend david and his wife heather's new website store called roundaboutdancewear
check it out. i even make a guest appearance.

later taters

say hello to my little friend

2007-10-24T10:36:00.001-06:00

meet sylas latham howard. he is my new nephew...or great nephew? i don't know but i do know that i am a great aunt.

1st pic-sy
2nd my nephew cliff & sy
3rd-the happy great granny(my mom) and sy

the gift of good writing

2007-10-16T11:14:00.000-06:00

there are lots of things that excite me, and one of those things is finding an author who writes books that i want to devour. the last time i came across one of those authors (thanks goes out to my friend mike from man about murfreesboro for finding the book in the bargain bin at a chain bookstore and thought that i would like it) i fell in love. i fell in love with terry pratchett. he's british, he's funny and he is freakin brilliant. he is responsible for the DISC WORLD SERIES and so far NO ONE has even come close to the pedestal that i have him on. with that said a new author found it's way into my life last week. it seems that most of the ladies in my office has read her and even though she doesn't come close to terry pratchett she is on the ladder. her name is janet evanovich and she writes the STEPHANIE PLUM SERIES. they are crime novels and hilarious. her characters are well developed and the author understands cynical humor. i find myself laughing out loud as i read her books. when that happens i know that the author has found what it takes to turn me on.

luckily these authors always find me. i don't go out in search for them. i rarely go to a bookstore and buy books off the rack. i go to used book stores and our library here has a book sale every month. you can't beat a 50 cent book.

a small vacation

2007-10-04T11:27:00.000-06:00

last week i went on a small vacation. a vacation where i had to drive. i don't really like to drive. on wed. drove down to lori's in georgia. the drive was pretty and below the mason dixon line. a plus. we then got ready to drive another 2ish hours to ashevelle nc. asheville is where my friend ida lives and works. she is the costume designer at UNCA and also teaches the make up class. lori taught a class on....well....severed fingers.

i never took any special effects make-up classes in college. it just wasn't my thing. and it's still not. but people who do take this classes really dig it. this class happened on thursday. also while in asheville lori and i went the the ASHEVILLE ARTS MUSEUM. we checked out the paper dress collection. it was a small collection and of course i couldn't touch them. i feel and learn through touch and museum's kind of frown on touching.

an top of all this i got to see ida. i know i look like an amazon in the pic but ida is a very small person.
i became friends with ida around 10 or so years ago. ida used to design the costumes at the NASHVILLE CHILDRENS THEATRE before it changed to Nashville Academy Theatre. somehow i got hooked up with a gig where i would go to NCT and be a stitcher for a couple of weeks. when i got there i met ida. ida is a tattooed, no-shoe wearing hippie. and we clicked immediatly. so after the first show-which was called "OPQRS" and was all orange, i then came back to help ida for the big shows year after year. that is until i got a real job and couldn't take that kind of time off. that and she moved back to n. carolina. needless to say, i miss ida and i'm glad i got to see her and spend time with her.
so lori and i had a good time in asheville. nice weather, nice scenary then started the drive back to georgia on thursday night.

friday was spent going to visit brenau college where lori works. saw her office and the campus and that night went to see a show for children. "THE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES" the acting was great but the costumes were something a little less than complete. having been a stitcher for the theatre the costumes are something that i always look at. the dresses weren't hemmed and had strings hanging off the bottom. to me that's a big NO NO. if you are rushed for time the least you can do is serge the bottom. unfinished costumes are a reflection upon the designer.

saturday was the drive back to tennessee. got back before noon and was hoping to hang out with the bf brad. but that didn't happen. he was at a company installing...oh i don't know, something to do with a machine and didn't come home until after midnight sometime. oh well. at least he made money.

now what makes you think YOU are right?

2007-09-15T07:44:00.000-06:00

yesterday started my 9th year at my place of employment. i have never stayed at a place longer than 4 years. what makes this job so different? i don't quite know. there are several reasons. i enjoy my job...most of the time. i pay bills for a living so it takes an organization that i can get into. it's problem solving, which i also enjoy. and my boss is always asking me to do something that really isn't my job but i don't always mind. when i first started there it was 5 minutes from my house. now it's 15 minutes away. i enjoy the people i work with and for. and the best reason of all is that i met brad there. 5 years ago we think. however, we didn't get togther until a little over 3 years ago. and i get to see him everyday.

i have never hidden the fact that i have an un-conventional belief system, but with that said my co-workers still can't get over some off the things i say. for the last couple of days we have been dealing with the 100's of boxes containing documents, financials and payables. when need to move the boxes to storage and shred what can be shreded. it can be an overwhelming task when you see the ocean of skids containing all this info. so i was getting ready to walk out the door with several of these woman when someone made a smart assed comment that i didn't catch and
"R" said "tracey can get a dorm room too".
"what are you talking about?' i said.
R reply's " "N" said that we were going to hell and we can all share dorm rooms"
me-"i'm not going to hell, i don't believe in it"

shocked silence
N says "what? well you might find out that you are wrong"
me-"and you might find out that your wrong"
i turn to leave and go find paper or something, and they apparently keep on talking about it. cause when we walk out together my boss (who wasn't around during the conversation) ask me what i said. i repeated again-"i can't go someplace that i don't believe in". and i changed the subject. it's nobody's business what i believe in and you can judge me all you want behind my back, but if you don't what me to become the bitch that i can be it's best not to question me on religion to my face. luckily everyone stopped talking about it.

as we all know i don't believe in the christian idea of hell or heaven. so i sometimes find it hard that others can't seem to let it go.
what makes you think YOU are right? how can you be an expert on the hereafter? did you go there and come back? oh i see god told you in a book and that makes it so. come on. the different sects of christians can't even agree on the bible itself. some preach only the old testament some the new. all this means is that you have a really big ego. i don't believe in hell or heaven because i have NO and i repeat NO idea what's going to happen to us after we die. no one does.

maybe next time when someone brings up me not believing in hell, i will tell them it's because i believe in reincarnation. that should be fun.

well would you look at the time

2007-08-31T07:57:00.000-06:00

i took the day off today so i could have a four day weekend and when i started my coffee i thought to my self "maybe i'll post to my blog" and then another thought came to me "has it been a year yet?". and it has. a week ago last year i started the experiment of blogging. yeah me!!!!! whoo hooooo!!!. even though i haven't written everyday or every week i think i have written every month. i am proud of myself.

last night brad and i went to a preseason titan's game. his name was drawn at work for free tickets. luckily our employers are football and hockey fans and tickets are given away frequently. another bonus for us was a parking pass for lot A.

i would just like to say that i don't really care for football. i prefer hockey. i don't care for the crowds and the rush of everything. or the small and uncomfortable seats. in order to avoid the bad rush you need to arrive a couple of hours early before the game. and as the time ticks before the start of the game i play a little game inside my head. as i feel the tension and uneasyness growing from not knowing what is going on and being around that much energy and also not really getting into the football stadium scene i start to contemplate if this is what hell is like. ( i do this a lot and i don't believe in hell) the cyclical movement of waiting for hours for the game to start. not really being into it. feeling anxious and wishing that there was something else to do beside drinking. and just when kick off happens. boom. you are right back where you started. feeling anxious and out of your element. hell=repetition.

once the game starts i feel a little better. at least something is happening. and the titans won. at least they were winning when we left with 6 min left in the game. and i don't remember the guys name but #17 of the titans is a fast little fucker.

however, brad loves football and i hope he enjoyed himself.

one thing i do enjoy about sporting events is the national anthem. i feel a huge amount of pride when everyone stands to honor our flag. reguardless of how i feel about the people in charge of our great nation, when the "star spangled banner" is played there is a collective energy with a focus to celebrate the land that we live in. when i was growing up everyone put their hands on their hearts. i remember that if i didn't do that my mother would have hit me and reminded where my right hand should go. i have noticed that not everyone does that now. i think it's a little sad but that's just a reflection of a different generation.

i also sing along and i can honestly say that i have never made it through without crying, the lines that really get me are

"And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave"

here's to another year!

2007-08-26T07:12:00.000-06:00

i don't know if i have ever mentioned that i don't believe in coincidences before. but i don't. for those out there who read "man about murfreesboro"s blog, the post that he wrote on 8/14/07 talks about his encounter with the sales person at a small computer store and this person's conspiracy theory on what he thinks really happened on 9/11/01.
well last night on the history channel there was a show about conspiracy theories for 9/11. along with those theories they would give you the expert's response. it was good. i don't know if i would have watched it last night if mike hadn't of wrote about it a week before. however, i learned that within the conspiracy world on 9/11 there are 2 factions.
the below descriptions are from wiki-not the best source but the easiest found

the LIHOP's ("let it happen on purpose") - this version suggests that key individuals within the government had at least some foreknowledge of the attacks and deliberately ignored them or even actively weakened America's defenses to ensure the hijacked flights were not intercepted.

and the MIHOP ("made it happen on purpose") - the strongest version suggests that key individuals within the government planned the attacks and collaborated with al-Qaeda in carrying them out. There is a range of opinion about how this might have been achieved.

both had good selling points but i'm not completely sold on the ideas. even though i believe that a demon spawn and his minions control the government and that the attacks were the excuse for starting a war, i can't in my heart believe that all these people would let america be attacked and thousands die to get what they wanted.

one man (i can't remember his name or his position in this dog fight) said that in order for these 2 main theories to be true, the government would have had to keep it a secret. so i feel that it's only a matter of time. secret's can't be kept forever. however, if the 2 main theories are true and people in the government let it or made 9/11 happen, may GOD have mercy on their souls because they will be cast into the 9th and last circle of HELL.
just had to throw in the dante reference.

and speaking of hell. it looks like we here in the south have gotten a break from the hellish heat. this weekend the heat broke and it rained both nights. at least at my house it rained. bringing down the temps to the 90's with the long overdue rain. my yard is straw. plants and bushes are dying. it got to a point that i was beginning to sacrifice plants. there was no way that i could water everything.

it's 2 damn hot

2007-08-15T11:25:00.000-06:00

damn it's hot down here in the south. it's breaking over 100+ during the week and backing down to the comfortable high 90's during the weekend. i love the south, goddess knows i do but enough is enough.
this deep fried weather is proof why we here in the south are known to move at a snails pace.

the crazy winkler woman who killed her preacher husband because he made her wear stripper shoes has been let loose from the mental health facility she was put into after the jury found her guilty of manslaughter. she is now fighting for custody of her children who have been in the custody of her in-laws.

apparently pacman "thug" jones had an interview with bryant gumbel the other day. he mentions that even though he has been linked to 12 criminal incidents that he is no criminal. how many incidents does it take to be a criminal? sorry pacman-you are a thug and if i cared about football and was a fan of the tennessee titans i would make a pack never to watch football again until your sorry ass was kicked out of football forever. but alas i am not a fan. so my opinion or actions don't really matter.

and finally a salute to 2 senior ladies

"A would-be Murfreesboro thief got more than he bargained for Saturday evening when he hopped into a car with two of Tullahoma's toughest senior ladies.

According to police reports, a man tried to rob 68-year-old Ellen Holt and 78-year-old Inga Schultz in Rose's parking lot on Mercury Boulevard around 8 p.m. Saturday.

"The man got into the back seat and grabbed Ms. Schultz around the neck," Officer Tim Moghaddam reported. The suspect told the women he had a gun and demanded they give him their money.

But both ladies reportedly refused to give the man anything and started to slap him until he fled the vehicle."

go go grannies.

2007-07-31T14:37:00.000-06:00

hello blog
well everything seems back to normal. lori is back home for now. she will be leaving in a few weeks to start her new job in georgia. i'm not happy to see her leave but at least she is staying below the mason dixon line.

brad has finally moved to the country. moving his renovated bus was an adventure by itself. it took 2 hours to go 30 miles. the bus is slow and then died at the first red light in woodbury. luckily it started and made it all the way to the top of the ridge. now he is living the luxurious life in the woods. with no electricity or water. but last week the port-a-potty showed up. it's all about what's important.

last monday i took a half a day off from work so i could read the last HARRY POTTER book. it took 11 hours to read with several breaks thrown in. i loved it. but i'm glad it's over. 9 years is a long time to invest in a story. i've never been one to try and guess what the author is thinking. i don't try to figure out who killed who or who did what. i would rather just ride. some thought i was crazy to use up my vacation time to read a book but i was afraid that i would find out the outcome from the media and i didn't want to take that chance.

finally saw LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. LOVED IT. it was very funny and very touching.

harry potter and the order of the commercials

2007-07-14T06:12:00.000-06:00

there is a tradition that me and a friend of mine at work have. we always take off 1/2 day of work to go see the openings of the HARRY POTTER movies. it's something that our boss laughs at and everyone else expects us to do. this year was different. the movie opened on a wednesday. what's up with that. were all the theatre's closing because they were seeing no income during the week??? whatever. we decided that we didn't want to take off in the middle of the week so we decided on friday.

now i should mention that it was my friend sarah who got me hooked into the HARRY POTTER series. the books had started coming out when i started working at my current job. she loaned me the books and that was it. i was there with all the other HARRY POTTER fans. so when the mention of a movie came up, me and sarah found it important enough to use up half of a vacation day to go see the movie.

back to the movie. in the last several years i have really hated going to the movie theatre. too many people who have bad movie etiquette. i didn't take out a small loan to afford seeing this movie to have dumb ass people get up every 15 minutes to go to the bathroom or go get food. nor did i spend said small fortune to listen to you talk to your neighbor or explain to your child whats going on. one time the people behind me was explaining to someone the entire movie. i assumed this person was blind. now i am all for people with handicaps experiencing movies and normal life for that matter but not during a movie that i paid to see. it's rude. wait until the movie comes out on dvd and talk all you want-in your own home.

but back to the movie. now not only do we have to sit through an hour of previews we are now subjected to commercials that we can see at home on tv. i hate commercials to begin with, i always flip to another channel to avoid commercials. commercials don't make me buy their products. and some commercials are so annoying by their constant playing time that i even refuse to but their product.

but back to the movie again. the movie was good. i enjoy seeing the books come to life and i never expect them to be JUST like the book. and i've read the books so i know how it's going to end. it's fun to see harry, hermione, ron and the rest of the cast grow up. the HARRY POTTER movies are so rich in color and detailed in visuals it's hard to catch everything the 1st time. therefore i have no problem seeing the movie again and again. my favorite scene is the weasley rebellion. i thought that the director and production company did a fantastic job showing the rebellion of the weasley twins during the O.W.L.S.

so the previews were lengthy and the movie was good. the last book comes out next week. the end of a series and what a series it has been. j.k.rowling tapped into something that will live on for a very long time. she writes so well that children and adults alike can sink right into the story. a very rare talent.

don't have major plumbing done a day before you leave the country

2007-07-05T11:55:00.000-06:00

in less than a week many things can happen. especially if the week has a full moon in it.

my bff lori has been in france for a month, her husband david and her two girls were flying over on thursday to join her for another 2 weeks. in those 2 weeks i am splitting the house sitting with henry and di. the day before david left he had a plumber come and install a sink in their master bath......

on thursday at work i kept going back and forth in my mind if i should go there on thursday or friday. back and forth, back and forth. i decided on thursday. i walked in, gave the cats some more food, went into the kitchen and heard a sound...ssssssssss. what the hell? i went into their bedroom and heard the sound coming from their bathroom. i opened up the door and was greeted with water spraying everywhere. it was coming from the sink. hmmm. well now, what to do. i need to cut off the water. i can do that cause i've had lot's of experience at my house with plumbing and cutting the water off at the street. then the issue raised of where might the tool be to do that. so i called henry and di's home phone. no dice. i found out later that a tree had fallen on the telephone line and it was out. so i called di. no answer. shit. i then was going to call lori in france but didn't have her #. so i had to call bf brad at work and have him go to my desk and give me the #. called lori but she couldn't help me cause the tool wasn't where it was suppose to be. of course not. my choice at that time was to call the utilites dept and have them cut it off. however, as soon as i hung up from lori, diane called. david and the girls haven't left yet and it was 5pm. they were suppose to leave at 9ish am. however, david told me where the tool was and i cut the water off. so after a lot of yelling with david and trying to find the tool and me getting wet, the water was shut off. after that di called back and told me to turn off the breaker to the water heater. ok. where's the fuse box? i should mention that david and lori may be the ONLY people who don't have a cordless phone so i was limited in my search. fuck it. i hung up with di and went to get me cell from my car and called di back. found the fuse box. found the breaker. done. put some towels down and left. i knew the problem was in good hands cause diane works for an insurance company and deals with house damage (well that's my best summary of her job). so she knows here stuff. diane showed up and henry came over with a dehumidifier and then proceeded to rip up the carpet in the bedroom. the damage had already started. luckily david and lori were going to get rid of the carpet anyway. and luckily i came on thursday and not friday. several more things went down at that house but i can't talk about those things. david and lori may read this and i don't want to give them more surprises.

so that was thursday. the next adventure is helping bf brad move out of his house.

when i was young

2007-06-19T16:34:00.000-06:00

the days

the days go by she lays alone
in solitude in a corner of the room
the howling wind like the stormy sea
soak through the cracks in the door
midnight came she heard no more

i found this poem the other day. i wrote this when i was in 4th or 5th grade. as a 40 year old i find this poem and others from that time frame to be very melancholy. i did read a lot of poe, mythology and arthurian legends before and during high school. maybe that had something to do with my state of mind. as a young child and into my early 20's i was not a happy camper. i felt that i didn't fit in with my environment and that GOD had made a mistake in bringing me into this time period. (already with the metaphysical beliefs) however, i do need to mention that i didn't have a bad family life. i just didn't fit. i remember when i was 6 or 7 i asked my parents what an identity crisis was, which i may add, didn't give me the answer i was looking for. my mother asked jokingly "why? do you not know who you are?" duh of course not. i remember playing it off as something i heard on the tv and let the issue drop. i wasn't going to find out the answer from them. it look me until college to find out those answers.

i'm sure some of you who know me wont find it odd that most of my poetry involves death or dying or human issues. however, the ones who know me might find it odd that i wrote poetry since there are but a few who have ever read them. in 5th grade i won most honorable mention in a poetry contest that an organization in the county sponsored. it was about sunrise's and not about death. i was playing up to the masses.

i haven't written anything in a long time. i realize now that for me to write i need to be in a state of depression or really focused and passionate about something. that's when i get the good stuff out. a catharsis if you will.

so i have decided to start putting some of my poetry on my blog. not so much for others to read but to let them go.

peace out

what is that wet stuff?

2007-06-08T13:55:00.000-06:00

something happened here in the south that hasn't happened in a long time. we have been waiting for it. we have been praying for it. we were beginning to wonder if we would ever see it again.

today a work, the clouds became dark and the air was heavy to breath, then the clouds opened up with rumbles and flashes and it began to RAIN. rain has become such a rarity down here in the barren south that when the wet stuff dropped people were outside watching it, the ones not on the outside were in front of the windows in wonder at it. usually that's what happens when there is a tornado or hail storm but not today. today as a collective were watching it rain.

simple rain.

what's in bloom

2007-06-03T08:26:00.000-06:00

here are 2 flowers that are in bloom at my house right now.
these are primrose's. a friend of mine at work gave me these last year. since they didn't come up last year i thought that they had died out. but this year i saw them growing and thought that they might be weeds. cause i have a hard time remembering where i planted what. but i didn't pull them up because a little voice in my head said "stop" you planted something there.

********* these are nicatania's. these came from bf brad several years ago. this is the first year that i didn't have to start them from seed. they bloom all year long and smell wonderful.

well my bff has left for france for the summer. i know that she will have great time and i will miss her very much. our friend di set her up with a blog. "cathead a la boheme" and i've added the link to my favorites.

happy memorial day

2007-05-28T06:55:00.000-06:00

happy memorial day everyone!
i thought i would take a moment and update my blog for the holiday. the last time i was here i showed you my new tattoo. the tattoo is healed, however, it did itch like a mother for weeks after.

we need rain bad down here in the south. i can't tell you how long it's been since the sky opened up and poured down it's liquid refreshment. when we go through dry periods down here it reminds me that i don't think i could live in the west, or in any area that doesn't see a lot of rain. i've grown accustomed to the color green and the growth of things.

george bush is still delusional and will become increasing irrelevant as the years go by.

charles nelson reilly died at the age of 76. i loved watching him on "the match game" even at a young age i knew there was something different about him. as i got older i found out the he was gay. in the a/p report that i read, reilly mentions that a network exective told him "they don't let queers on television". well they did and he set the ground work for many to follow.

my BFF david turned 40 recently. now he is getting older like the rest of us.

my BF brad will be turing 40 next week. he will also be getting older like the rest of us but still reminds me that i am older. if we are still experiencing the drought he will be golfing on his important day instead of having a lovely birthday evening with me. it's your birthday baby-do whatever makes you happy...but you will be missing out on any sexual favors that i promised.

i think that's it for now. remember today to take a few moments from your drinking and grilling to remember the soldiers who have fought for this country and your freedoms. like me you may not agree with wars and fighting but hate the game not the players.

peace

my new tattoo

2007-04-28T08:23:00.000-06:00

take a look at my new tattoo. i think he's awesome. this picture was taken minutes after i got it. this peacock is called a "cailech" peacock. it's celtic but to me looks a little like a rooster. but it's not. notice the weaving of the tail. you'll notice that the greens and yellow look a little muddy but that's because there is blood underneath the skin. it will take several days for that to go away but then the color will pop out. it might not look big but in reality it's a big piece for me. the stencil was about 4"x6" but gets bigger when i stretch out my back.

brad's sister anna came down this weekend and brought her tatto equipment with her. months ago i had mentioned that i wanted another tattoo. and i finally decided on this one. after coloring in the picture hundreds of different ways, brad, anna and i came up with this coloring. and i am very pleased by the look. it reminds me of a rainbow.

so on thursday night i went over to brads. brad was gone golfing and it was only anna and i. i'm glad that this experience started with only her and i. i was nervous and scared. nervous because it was permanent and scared because i knew it was going to hurt and i didn't know if i would be able to stand the pain.

so we start. the black lines come first. and the pain started. for those who have never received a tattoo, to me it feels like someone is dragging a needle deep into your skin. and that is what is happening. 5 needles are used to draw the black lines, which hurts more than the shading that uses 15 needles. it's important to stay very still for the black lines, which anna said i did very well. but for those who know me i am very figgetty and can't stay still for very long. the outline took an hour to do. by that time my endorphins had kicked in but didn't take away the pain. after the black lines came the shading. anna used 12 colors in this tattoo, which i understand to be alot of color. the shading took about 2 1/2 hours to complete. after about 3 hours your body has stopped producing endorphins and for me that last 1/2 hour felt like it was never going to end. but it did end. and i am very pleased with it. now comes the healing. and right now it feels like someone has burned my back. but i know that will go away soon and i will be left with a piece of art that will always be with me to the day i die.

this tattoo marks my 40 years of living. it was painful but life can be painful. no pain no gain-right? there are also a lot of symbolisms with the peacock but too many to mention here. my other tattoo is of a peacock feather that i got in my 30's. i find peacocks to be beautiful and after years of reading about them i have found that almost every culture has a legend or reverence of peacocks. i find my self fortunate to have had anna do my tattoo. i love her a lot and find her very talented. she was patient with me and allowed me to be myself during the process. something that a person at a tattoo parlor would have never allowed. and in turn the pain became more tolerable.

so after 3 1/2 hours of pain and probably days of discomfort the question arises, "will i get another one?" you bet your ass i will.

old friends, good times

2007-04-17T06:42:00.001-06:00

on saturday i went over the "the badgers" house. he was having a get together for a mutual friend of ours who lives in alaska. tim and his wife kathy come into town every couple of years or so and it's great to get to see them when they do. the night started out a little low key until tim's tullahoma "boys" showed up with the "dickel". i haven't seen the tullahoma "boys" in many years and it was good to see them also. rehashing old times, tim playing "the beatles" songs and us trying to remember the words. some things never change. what has changed was tim's ablility as a musician.

i became friends with tim back in my early years of college. and even though almost 2 decades have passed since the first meeting, there are parts of tim that haven't changed. i can't quite describe what those parts might be, but they are still there and i love him just the same for it. i remember many years of hangin out at tim's house with whoever he was living with at the time. i know now that some of us intruded upon them constantly but i look back at those years as good memories and i wouldn't trade those times for nothing. i don't know if i have said this before but along life's path we met people who make impacts upon us. some come in our lives and then quickly fade away, some come in and never leave. i've been fortunate to have friends that have never left. i may not see them as much as others but the connection is there and it doesn't take long to take up right where we left off.

and i like kathy (tim's wife) also. she is a bunch of fun. she's funny and cute and they match as a couple. and she does seem to be the grounded one, but the women usually are.

they both mentioned that they sometimes read my blog. so i would like to say again that it was great seeing them and i wish i could see them more. maybe one day i'll take my lazy butt up to alaska for a vacation. i love ya both.

time for a new do

2007-03-25T08:01:00.000-06:00

i've decided that it was time to get my hair cut....short. it's been long for oh so many years. but several months ago i felt that it was time to be rid of the hair and the emotions and baggage imbedded in it. so it's 4:15 pm on friday and in 15 minutes it's "put up or shut up" time. i have also been preparing people that the time is coming. not so much to hear what they have to say but to soften the blow for me when they see it. i keep looking in the mirror today and saying to myself that this is the last time you will see it like this. it's time to leave....talk to ya later.

well, after almost busting into tears, the weight has come off my head. after the first cut, i was fine. i know that it's only hair and i know that it can grow back but having long hair for a long time and then cutting it short is like saying goodbye to an old friend.
after she started cutting i could feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. i kept sighing in relief and tina thought i was sighing because it was taking a long time. but the question is-do i like it? yes and no. yes it looks better and healthier and no not so much right now because my hair is in shock and it's taking a little bit longer to style. oh well, it's only day 2

onto saturday-
my sister and i drove to our family home in cleveland to attend our brother and sister-in-laws 25th anniversary surprise party. my nephew who works at the mall there had reserved the "community room" for the party and our brother and sister-in-law(myles & janie) thought they were coming to the mall for free family pictures that my nephew cliff had received from his work. cliff was the ring master of this party by the way- it was his idea and orchastration. cliff had told them that they couldn't come early because the photographer wasn't getting there until 6:30 and wouldn't be ready until 7.
everyone has known about the party for months. and after it was all said and done we were surprised that NO ONE had spilled the beans about the party. about 15 people on janie's side of the family was there, they came from west tennessee and had managed to keep it a secret.
getting them there wasn't that hard but myles couldn't understand how a good photographer could get set up in 30 minutes. myles had worked for a great photographer and knew that it look longer than that to set up. and also that they have a friend of the family that is a awesome photographer, and could get him anytime, so why waste time on pictures by someone else. janie kept wondering if she was dressed o'k. but they came on time and when the door was opened they in were shock. we all said surprise and happy anniversary but the first thing janie said was "well there's my momma and daddy" they couldn't quite put everything together. then janie got it and started crying like we all knew she would. now my brother on the other hand just stood there with his mouth open and was speechless, which doesn't happen a lot in my family, but he was speechless for about 5 minutes. he then started joking that everyone had known for months and everyone had lied to him. i reminded him that we didn't lie we just didn't tell him.

so the party was great. the night was filled with hugs, kisses, tears and happiness. and to myles and janie's joy-presents. at the end janie thanked everyone for coming and my brother cried his thanks. my brother has gone through a rough several years. waking up in the morning wondering if he had any friends left to stand by him. but god kept telling him to count the small blessings in his life. and last night was a confirmation of those small blessings.

when myles and janie first met it was in december. myles told her that she was the one he was going to marry. janie blew him off. they married that next march and have been together for 25 years.

thanks gerry

2007-03-18T09:41:00.000-06:00

me and brad went to see "300" on thursday. if you are not familiar yet with this movie, it is a semi-historical tale of the battle of thermopylae in 480 b.c. based on the graphic novel by frank miller. frank miller also wrote "sin city", i saw "sin city" and have decided hands down that "300" was much better for many many reasons. the biggest reason was gerard butler. i've been a fan of gerry's (apparently he likes to be called gerry because he doesn't like the way americans pronounce his name) since he was in "attila" in a tv miniseries. he and his soldiers and their air brushed abs won me over, not to mention that the movie was great to look at. it was visual pleasing in so many many ways. yes i know i'm being redundant but you had to be there.
it was a "dick" and "chick" flick all rolled up into one movie. eye candy for the women and fighting to the death for the men.

last night i watched on the history channel the historical tale of the battle of thermopylae. it is thought that without this battle at the pass of thermopylae and the heroic deaths of king leonidas of sparta and his men, the infant idea of democracy would have been stamped out by the persians. it also gave the greeks more time to get there shit together and organize against the persians. this epic battle also helped glue together the city states of greece to become a nation. of course there were more that 300 men in this battle but it was the 300 spartans and king leonidas who led this battle and were the trained fighting force behind it.

and as a ending thought-movies are our cultures way of storytelling. if i wasn't a fan of gerard butler i wouldn't have gone to the theatre to see "300", without seeing this movie i probably wouldn't have watched the show on the history channel and without watching the show on the history channel would never have heard the story of the 300 spartans and the battle of thermopylae. thank you gerry for leading me to this information.

a death

2007-02-10T08:03:00.001-06:00

as we all know by now, ANNA NICOLE SMITH has died. the news is everywhere. they say it's such a tragic death, dying 5 months after her son died and leaving behind a new born. but i don't find it to be a shock. based on what i always saw in the media she was headed on a downward spiral. news reports say that they didn't find any illegal drugs in the hotel room nor did they find any signs of pills or capsules in her stomach. but my theory is that she overdosed. i don't necessarily think she did it intentionally but she was on too many drugs and it finally caught up with her. i also believe that she was hooked up with the wrong person. howard k stern. like anna's family i believe that he was partly responsible for her death. and i could be led to believe that he was involved in her sons death. the news reports also say that the drugs they found were in his name. and i don't believe he is the father of anna's baby. i think even though he claims to have been in love with her, he was a gold digger and wanted to control her life for his benefit.

but why do i mention any of this? i've never been a big fan of anna nicole. i write this today because her death is no different from all the other countless women's deaths that happen across the country ever day. a pretty woman who sought attention from others to fill in the hole that was created in her heart. a pretty woman who got pregnant at a young age and wanted fame and fortune and had the body and the initiative to find it. and also a woman who put her trust in the wrong person, a controlling man who confused love with possession. a man who possibly helped her stay dependent on drugs. prescription or illegal, drugs are the same. it just comes down to what you can afford. but it happens all the time to women everywhere. and their deaths most of the time go without notice. and that's tragic.

anna nicole's death is more tragic only because we know who she was and had watched her life unfold. she became familiar to us so therefore we have more sympathy, even though the events that led to her death is nothing new but came with a different face. now we as the public will be looking for the stories that come from the baby. personally i hope the child inherits all of the billionaire's money, or a good percentage of it, also hoping that the child's father isn't howard k stern and the baby will grow up with love and affection and the unhealthy cycle that led to her mothers death broken.

and finally i bet the crazy astronaut woman was filled with glee that she was replaced on the front pages of the media by a bigger story.

young at heart

2007-01-24T14:57:00.000-06:00

3 days after turning 40 and the only change i can think of is remembering that i am mortal. and i really hate that. i enjoyed thinking that i was going to live forever. that death was a long way away. but ohhh not now.

my birthday dinner that i made my friend lori throw for me was nice. i have kept in touch with everyone at the party but not everyone at the party had kept in touch with each other. it was fun seeing that the dynamics between these people haven't changed in 20 years. 20 years ago when we were barely legal. i had thought about inviting everyone that i knew but that was too many. i'm waiting for 50 to do that. so i decided that it would be those that i was very very tight with for almost 2 decades. and it ended up not being that many. but it was enough for me to be proud of the fact that i had these friends. these are the people who have known me the longest, and still liked me. they know the crazy things i did in my 20's. hell, these were the people that i was doing those crazy things with and sometimes still do crazy things with. at one point lori had pulled out her pictures. and there we all were. not everyone there ran in the same circles, but since we went to school together we had party-ed with each other. a lot of us were thinner and some of the others had hair. we used to be able to drink for hours and now were conservative in our partake-ness of alcohol...well some of us anyway. so thanks to lori for hosting and everyone else that came. and it's the relationships that i have with these people that keeps me feeling young. and thanks to mike for smoking salmon on a rainy sunday just for me.

the big 40

2007-01-21T08:12:00.000-06:00

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to meeeee
happy birthday to me

i woke up this morning not aware that it was my birthday. but after awhile it came to me. and 2 things stood out as i got up to start my day. my coffee pot died halfway through it's brew. maybe the universe was telling me to stop drinking coffee or it was time to get a new one. i think i'm going with getting a new one. i don't drink that much coffee.

now onto the 2nd thing. pink floyd lyrics keep running through my head. i watched the "LORDS OF DOGTOWN" last night. i don't know why. i was never into the skateboarding craze. but since it was set in the '70's, songs from that time were playing in the background. it was at the end of the movie when one of the characters died that i heard it. "WISH YOU WERE HERE" and along with that song came one of the most meaningful lines..."we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year" i can't explain why that line touches me so, but it does. it's sad and beautiful at the same time. even though i'm not a pink floyd fan and i couldn't even begin to tell you song titles or the history of the band but there are a lot of pink floyd songs that touches me that other songs can't come close to.

so i started to retrace the history of pink floyd in my life. maybe it's because today is a milestone for me and i have started the morning off with retrospection.

when i was around 10 "THE WALL" came out and one of the only songs that got airplay was 'WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION" and as i write this i don't even know if this is the correct name of the song but you get what i'm talking about. anyway, that song had a power to me. i loved singing that song. while all of my other girlfriends were into other girly songs, i was always singing that song. it wasn't until i was in college and in my mid-20's that i finally saw the movie. but by that time "COMFORTABLE NUMB" was making it's mark on me. around that time i had fallen into a very deep depression. and that song put words to my emotions and thoughts.

"There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb."

i could have listened to that song constantly, i think it soothed me to know that someone else knew the feeling of hopeless and loss and that i wasn't alone. as a side note i also got into the "CARPENTERS" song "RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS"

luckily time went by and i had risen above the stagnant waters that my soul was bathing in. i had also decided that i would never go that low again. my spirit would never feel that "numbness". and over the years every time i heard that song, instead of feeling sad because it was associated with that sad time of my life, i felt comforted. i saw the beauty in it. maybe it's because it helped me embrace my dragon instead of slaying it.

change can be good.

2007-01-13T11:13:00.000-06:00

went over to mike and dollie's yesterday. dollie was out of town so mike and i talked and did geeky things. like change the look of my page. if you didn't already guess i love peacocks. he also helped me change over to bloggers new template. to be honest it's all very confusing for me. but i woke up this morning excited about changing other things on my page but much to my dismay i can't change my settings. error, error, error. ok but what's the freakin' error? AARRGGG. i am hoping that it's my computer system. i guess i will find out on monday at work when i try it there.

a week from tomorrow i will be turning 40. one of the things that i have noticed is the older i get the less i give a shit about a lot of things. now if you know me, you may have thought that i have always been that way. i never set out to hurt peoples feelings, it just seemed to happen. maybe it was because the tone of my voice lacked tact. but oh well. i have been fortunate to have friends that saw past that and excepted me anyway. i attribute that to my charismatic personality.

here's an fyi for you- i heard mike tyson use the word "gregarious" in an interview the other day. he used it correctly. and i was shocked i tell you. mike tyson using words like gregarious is like bush showing compassion.

happy new year

2007-01-01T17:36:00.001-06:00

the floors and clean. the clothes are washed. the car has a full tank
of gas. the trash has been taking out and it's 2007. it's become a
habit of mine to make sure things are clean and full and empty for the
new year. if you start out the year clean, full and empty of trash you
can be prepared for the rest of the year. i also smudged my house to
clean out the bad negative energy's and burned sweet grass to bring in
the good positive energy.

i started my celebration of the new year of saturday at my best friend
and his wife's. they had a new year eve eve party. it was a quiet
affair with lots of food and laughter and one of my favorite things...a
give away table. the only place that i have ever experienced a give
away table are around pagan's. it's fun and and great way to get rid
of things that you don't need anymore and pick up something that you
have been wanting or in most cases where what you have been needing.
on saturday i found a horse shoe. of all the things on the table to
choose from i kept coming back to the horse shoe. since i didn't know
who brought it i started asking around. and come to find out it was
brought by a man named jim who has horses and shoes his own. he tells
me that it's tradition to hang up a horse shoe that had been used and
found. i guess the iron needs to have been worked and used in order
for the metal to do it's work. he also included 2 nails and a legend
about the horse shoe. in this legend the devil hears the sound of the
blacksmith and decides to get his own self shod. he goes to the
blacksmith, who realizes who the customer is, but he agrees to shoe the
devil. he shoes him with the red hot shoes and drives the nails in
deep. the devil pays the blacksmith who then in turns burns the money
knowing that it can come to no good and went about his day. but the
devil found the shoes to be hurtful then painful and tried and tried to
remove the shoes. finally he pulled them from his feet and throw them
far away. and devil has been avoiding horseshoes every since.
now i don't really believe in the "devil" but i do believe that i can
use as much luck as i can. so i hung up the horse shoe above my door.

last night i brought in the new year in a different way that i have in
the past. doing nothing. well...not nothing. i went over to brads
house and hung out with him and the kids for a while . we shot off
fireworks and then after the kids went to bed i came home and watched a
"entourage" marathon until 12 and then went to bed.

today went to mike and dollies annual new year brunch. drank some
mimosa's chatted with people then came home and cleaned my house. i
would like to send a new year shout out to those who were there who
reads my blog.

and finally for today i would like to say that i have mentioned before
that i don't go in for the new year resolutions but this year i am
going to try weight watchers. mike and dollie have been doing it for
awhile and have been successful at it. and i figured it mike can do
it (his a picky eater like me) then i can. it's 5:30 and i'm hungry.

tata for now

5 more days

2006-12-20T08:51:00.000-06:00

christmas is coming the goose is getting fat...

please to put a penny in the old man's hat
if you haven't got a penny a ha' penny will do
if you haven't got a ha' penny then god bless you.

lalala a few more days to go and this christmas holiday will be over.

i don't know if i had mentioned before about getting in touch with an old boyfriend of mine. and that he is now a conservative catholic? much to my dismay. but anyhoo, we email back & forth and i had mentioned how much i really really dislike the commercial holiday of christmas. he wrote back and said "yes, it's become a secular holiday. i hope christians take christmas back." at that point i didn't want to start an argument with him, you know with him being a new christian and all, and email fights just ain't cool, but i felt like screaming. "TAKE IT BACK FROM WHO? WHO???" really, now think about that statement. "i hope christians take christmas back." why the hell did you give it away? it's your religion, it ain't my fault that you were more used to being greedy then self-less. it ain't my fault that the air is very thin up there on your high horse and you lost site of what you own holiday was about.
but instead of boycotting stores that can't say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" because the "general christians" think everything needs to be about them. screw the fact that there are lots of people out there who don't follow christianity of believe in it. the "general christians" should keep their ass home and start teaching their children what the "general christians" have been proselytizing about for century's. celebrating the birth of your "savior" who came to give you everlasting life if you believe in him. who preached giving your all to the ones who are broken and damaged and who don't deserve it or have lost the faith. not standing in line with your child for 2 days outside target to get the new "playstation 3" before anyone else in your friend circle gets it.
personally, you can have christmas back. i'll take celebrating the winter solstice instead. you know about the winter solstice don't you??? it's the original christmas. when the christians started taking over the world they needed to stop the pagans from celebrating the changes of the season but didn't know who to do it. so they came up with the brilliant idea of creating christian holidays near pagan holidays. and it worked. pagans love a celebration and food and didn't have a problem with calling their celebration by another name. you see what i have found with pagans is is that they don't have a problem with "naming" things. a name doesn't always define something. maybe it came from hiding their beliefs for centuries.

o.k i'm done for now. but remember "JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEA...UH HOLIDAY" jesus didn't create the seasons. his father did. or mother. whichever.
if you are a christian and would like to take christmas back then stay out of the stores and off the roads and take the money that you would spend on your spoiled children and give to the poor and sick. and teach your children the true meaning of christmas. giving out of love to others in need. or just shut up.

falalalala la la la la!

2006-12-04T13:49:00.000-06:00

27 days and counting until a new year. i love the beginning of years. that and my birthday is the 21st day of the new year.
thanksgiving is over, the entire month of in your face christmas is over. the big day of christmas is over and then it's full steam ahead into a new year. i feel like it's a new beginning. that the new year can erase the bad of the last.
however, i don't make resolutions and i don't eat certain foods to bring prosperity for the new year. but more on that closer to time

but the new year isn't here yet so i can look forward to parties, gatherings, food and drink. and the quick loss of money. oh yeah and that long awaited week off from work.

what's new?

2006-11-19T09:39:00.000-06:00

well let's see. it's been a while since i checked in. i told ya that
i had problems with journals. but anyway here's a brief recap.

the dems took back the house and senate. woo hoo. they can't do any
worse than what the gop did. at least with the dems, if anyone gets
caught with with their pants down.....you'll be expecting it.

and we have our first woman speaker of the house. GO NANCY.

and our first muslim representative. GO KEITH.

and then bush shoved rumsfeld under the bus. (which is a shocker
because we all believe bush when he says he thinks we are doing a good
job and we be kept around until the end of his term) i believe the
next one will be mr. rove. it's just a matter of time.

o.j simpson has written a book about "if i did it". what a stupid
man. you did it o.j. 'nuff said.

if alcohol problems wasn't enough to take the heat off of foley and
his wicked ways now his father has died. i wonder who he will be
seeking to help him through the grieving process. i just hope it's
someone older that 18.

the rev. ted haggard got caught with his pants down...literally, when
his "boy toy" told the press that he had been having sex with the
evangelical "holier than thou" preacher for 3 years and that the good
reverend was also a meth user. hee hee. i loved that one.

tomkat are finally married...or are they?

still waiting for john mccain to kill himself. tsk tsk senator. you
shouldn't make promises that you can't keep.

the controversial film "borat" is turning out to be a hit. it seems
that people love a good "slap in the face" movie. for those who
understand that it's a slap in the face movie, that is. apparently
some don't. like an entire country?

and finally-bush is just LAME

now an update on me

i just bought a couch. a couch just like my friends mike and dollie.
but in purple. i love it.

i was recently in a play called "godspell" i was in this same show
back in '89. it was fun and the cast was filled with 20 year olds.
but they never made me feel old. they also acted more mature then
some of the cast of "sordid lives" that i did back in july. "godspell"
turned out to be good even though 5 of the cast members only had 5
days to rehearse.

got back in touch with my first boyfriend. there will always be a
place in my heart for bill. but it turns out that he is now a very
conservative republican and a new catholic. pro-everything. so we
don't have that much in common anymore. but it's good to know what he
is doing and that he is happy. however, it's a good thing that the
goddess had other plans for me. i could have ended up in minnesota
and conservative and catholic....yeah right . there ain't no way in
hell that i would live in the north.

boyfriend brad just became a proud land owner of a 25 acre ditch...or
holler' whichever word floats your boat. now he is thinking about
using shipping containers to build a house with. the man's crazy but
i love him.

i think that's it for now. until next time

peace

why?

2006-11-02T12:16:00.000-06:00

i know that it's been a long time. my soap box feelings don't last a long time. but with so much stife and war and death and the hopes that the GOP looses control on tuesday this is the only subject that i can vent about.

why prince, why? you are putting yourself up there with the ranks of celine dion and barry manilow. it makes me loose a little respect for you. i feel you are too good to be playing vegas. but if i was in vegas and had $125 to spare after i have seen a cirque de soleil show i wonder if i would go against my convictions to come see your show....yeah probably and that makes me sad.

great googamooga

2006-10-03T11:31:00.000-06:00

you know. there is so much i that see and hear that is going on in the world today that i would like to comment on. but i suffer from over exposure. there is to much fucked up information that i am having a problem processing it all. maybe that is the reason that i was never able to keep a journal. there was always too much information that i couldn't focus on 1 thing.
here is what's going on lately
children dying because of cowardly men who can't just kill themselves instead of others.
politicians sending IM's to young boys. and that's just a snowflake on the tip of the ice burg when it comes to politicians and the crimes that they commit every single freaking day.
no one taking responsibility for all the deaths in iraq or the knowledge of al qaeda. you know i would respect you more condaleeeeeeza if you would just admit that you knew before 9/11. rumsfeld is an idiot. bush is a stupid excuse for a human and foley just needs his dick cut off. frist needs to be injected with an experimental drug, just so we can see what it will do to him. christians refuse to believe that there could be other religions besides them who might be right. you know my father used to say that the baptist will be surprised when they get to heaven and find out that it's not only baptist up there. i like to think that the same can apply to other religions. well those that believe in a heaven. and i could go on and on.

there is a song by THE TEMPTATIONS that after 30 years still apply to the world today. a lot of really good songs are like that. they become a timeless vision of humanity. i think that's how you can tell good songs from great songs. good songs last for a while. they have good structure but are written out of shallowness. great songs on the other hand can last forever because the soul of the song is universal. the writer of the song was locked into that universal soul and pulled out a great song. great googamooga, can't you hear me talking to you.

BALL OF CONFUSION

1, 2... 1, 2, 3, 4, Ow!
People moving out, people moving in. Why, because of the color of their skin.
Run, run, run but you sure can't hide. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
Vote for me and I'll set you free. Rap on, brother, rap on.
Well, the only person talking about love thy brother is the...(preacher.)
And it seems nobody's interested in learning but the...(teacher.)
Segregation, determination, demonstration, integration, Aggravation, humiliation, obligation to our nation.
Ball of confusion. Oh yeah, that's what the world is today. Woo, hey, hey.
The sale of pills are at an all time high.
Young folks walking round with their heads in the sky.
The cities ablaze in the summer time.
And oh, the beat goes on.
Evolution, revolution, gun control, sound of soul.
Shooting rockets to the moon, kids growing up too soon.
Politicians say more taxes will solve everything.
And the band played on.
So, round and around and around we go.
Oh, great GoogaMooga, can't you hear me talking to you.
Just a ball of confusion.
Oh yeah, that's what the world is today.
Woo, hey, hey.
Fear in the air, tension everywhere.
Unemployment rising fast, the Beatles new record's a gas.
And the only safe place to live is on an Indian reservation.
And the band played on.
Eve of destruction, tax deduction, city inspectors, bill collectors,
Mod clothes in demand, population out of hand, suicide, too many bills,
Hippies moving to the hills. People all over the world are shouting, 'End the war.'
And the band played on.
Great GoogaMooga, can't you hear me talking to you.
Sayin'... ball of confusion.
That's what the world is today, hey, hey.
Let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya.
Sayin'... ball of confusion.
That's what the world is today, hey, hey.
Let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya.
Sayin'... ball of confusion.

2006-09-22T10:34:00.000-06:00

i went camping last weekend with our girl scout troop. it was a nice camp with cool stuff to do and we had great weather. and all in all the girls were great. now granted they are 5th graders and that comes with it's own set of issues but were well behaved over all. we did archery (which i found out that i loved) i could have done that all day. then we went onto tree climbing. now this isn't tree climbing like you would think. they don't show you how to climb trees, which i might have been able to do. oh no. they have rope hanging off tree limbs with many configurations of knots and you have to pull yourself up. the girls were like monkey. me as their leader was a dead weight. there wasn't a moment where i got off the ground. and the harness and ropes were painful. and it's not easy pulling 180 lbs with no upper body strength. so i conceded to the tree and got off. but i tried. i think i'll stick with the bow and arrows. now also at this camp there is a swinging bridge. and the only way to get to the camp without a 5 mile hike on the road was over the swinging bridge. once going and once coming back. i hated the swinging bridge. i've never like swinging bridges. too much creaking and swaying and too much of a drop. i can't cross it with other people. i'm close to a break down when i cross it. all i can do is focus on the other side and pray that i don't freeze up. my mantra was "one foot at a time". i told the leader that if i came back to that camp that i would NEVER cross that bridge again.

comments about the corporate world
sometimes "control freaks" really really get on my fucking nerves. always right, everybody else is wrong, and heaven forbid that they would let you come up with anything on your own or do anything on your own because you know that there will be a comment about it not being right. and then on top of it all they wonder aloud in a victimized voice to other people why they have to deal with everything. i would like to say in a very loud voice " BECAUSE IT'S YOU OWN FAULT". if you weren't so consumed in having your way and not trusting that someone else may be more efficient than you or have a different way of looking at things you wouldn't have to do everything. but since you don't most people will let you do it yourself to make sure it's done to your satisfaction.
and what i really hate is when they try to control what i do or what i have been doing for several years and they are not my manager. now i will say that when it comes to what i do every single freaking day for 7 freaking years that yeah i can be a little controlling but you know what, it's ran smoothly for that many years and i don't like other people who have no idea about what i do telling me what i should do.
these are also the people with no sense of humor.
right now they can just "BITE ME"

alrighty...i'm done venting.

2006-09-12T14:11:00.000-06:00

awhile back i had mentioned that the bushman was in nashville to lend his presidential support to the republican senate candidate bob "i'm a big chicken" corker. weeellllll. mr. i'm a big chicken has declined a debate with harold "i'm a big hottie" ford, jr.
on national tv people.
on 'MEET THE PRESS' .
and the "big chicken" said NO

Corker Rejects Debate With Ford On "Meet The Press"
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:55:42 PM

GOP Senate candidate Bob Corker has rejected appearing on NBC TV's "Meet the Press" to debate his Democratic opponent U.S. Representative Harold Ford Jr.

The show's executive producer told the Chattanooga Times Free Press that they had hoped to get a debate scheduled.

Corker's staff didn't offer a reason for declining.

Ford called it a missed opportunity and said he's said yes to every single debate.

Corker campaign manager Ben Mitchell said Corker has agreed to three debates between the candidates inside Tennessee.

now, i ask you, why would someone who is running for the US Senate NOT go onto national tv and debate their enemy..(cough) uhh opponent? why? if you don't have the balls to debate your opponent on national tv then you don't have the balls for the job of US Senator. and that's one thing we are lacking right now is balls. lots of dicks but no balls.

apparently this isn't the first time that mr. i'm a big chicken has declined a debate. in december he boycotted a scheduled US senate debate in memphis against fellow republicans to be held in january.

2006-09-12T08:56:00.000-06:00

did anyone really expect to see and hear the truth from a documentary on ABC??? once again people are shocked i tell you about what they are seeing and hearing about THE PATH TO 9/11 docudrama.
on ABC remember. what has ABC put out in the last oh so many decades? oh wait a minute...they are the ones that do Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. ok well i like that one.

politicans are screaming, american airlines is jumping to legal actions. now granted the fact that ABC started advertising this as a factual based documentary was just plain wrong in the first place. but i blame only you if you believed it. it's ABC. and i guess i shouldn't be shocked that the people who would believe it or like to believe it are the same people who voted for the anti-christ's first cousin aka bush. there are so many signs out there that we as a nation are fucked, and the conservative right using ABC as the platform to show their delusional side of the facts is just another brick in the wall. and no i didn't watch it. and no i'm not even going to comment on the content. it's ABC people. i have HBO. and i was watching the FANTASTIC FOUR. and besides the fact that i have seen countless documentaries and shows about 9/11. i've read some of the 9/11 commision reports. and i don't need to go seeking for more information about a horrible day in american history, that i do believe the administration knew would happen, on AB-freaking C.

go humanity

2006-09-07T08:09:00.000-06:00

i think that this civilization we are a part of is going to hell in a hand basket. i don't know if it's that i am getting older and understanding more the consequences of choices made by goverment officals or if we as a world are really falling apart at the seems.

i knew that when bush was elected the first time that he would take us straight into a war. and i was right. i also felt that him being in office was going to be a very very bad thing. i was so upset by the thought that so many couldn't or wouldn't see through his bullish, smarmy, salesmany ways and just plain evil aura that i came to the conclusion that we were born into this life as an american to help destroy the nation. i also stopped watching him on tv. at the time in the very beginning i saw him as the anti-christ, and by watching him on tv his evil spirit would seep through and try to attach itself to my spirit. but 100 years have past and he is still the president and now i think of him only as the 1st cousin to the anti-christ. he alone doesn't seem smart enough to be what my idea of the anti-christ is. he now appears to be a spoiled child in a man's body who has the power to blow us the hell up. he is the bully of the 21st century. everybody hates us as a country and he helped perpetuate that hate. we as a people are hated by association. and the sad thing is if something did happen to him whether from sickness, death or impeachment we are stuck with another 1st cousin. at this time i don't know the lesser of the 2 evils. i just feel that the next 3 years are going to be the longest 3 years in american history. whether you agree with me or not. it will be bad. and i still don't watch him on tv.

but i will say this. even though all i can see is doom and gloom as a nation i know that because of this we will see humanity at it's best. humans in general have a way of falling back into the instinctual behavior of caring and compassion. we saw it on 9/11 we saw it during the devastation of katrina we see it when another stands up to the bully and demands answers and calls the bully out on his bs, we see it in other countries where even though there has been fighting for decades, these people still show love to others who they have been fighting against. sometimes they are called dissidents, unpatriotic and traitors against their country. but whatever the label, i feel that when forgiveness, compassion and love are the reason behind any action they supersede any action based on religion or country or creed or race.

GO HUMANITY.

2006-09-03T08:18:00.000-06:00

sunday again. it's 8 am i just got back from a walk around my
neighborhood. it's great in the morning. no one is out and the dogs
are quite. and i live in a quiet rural area so there is a lot of land
and animals to look at instead of cookie cutter houses. there is none
of that here. most of these houses were built in the 70's with unique
characteristics. there is also the hint of fall in the air. since i
have grown up entirely in the south i can't say if other places have
that distinct smell of fall in the air. but in the south you do. and
it has a smell of death and decay but not in a bad way. trees and
plants and flowers are dying and the temperature is falling with a
small hint of a chill. we get the see the circle of nature going into
winter. it's time to harvest and set up for winter cause it will be
here soon. i love fall. it's my favorite season. spring would be
next. after the dreariness of winter spring starts to bring out the
color of nature all pastelly and light and fall shows all the colors of
passing with bright reds, oranges, yellows and browns.

do you remember about a year ago when tom cruise made a comment about
brooke shields taking drugs for postpartum depression? he said that
she was misguided and that there was no science behind emotional and
chemical imbalances and that it's dangerous to be taking paxil.
because of course he knows what he is talking about. that she should
take vitamins instead to help her with her problem. he also mentioned
that her career was over. i don't know what the 2 have to do with
each other. i do think there is some truth in using vitamins to set
the body back on track after giving birth but i've never had a child so
i don't know what goes on with all the hormones in a woman's body after
birth. however, i've been a woman all my life and have experienced
decades of periods and hormone ups and downs and wanting to rip the
head of many people because my emotions were out of control and drugs
would have been a welcome comfort from the maelstrom raging inside me.
so if brooke shields needed drugs to get past her problem then good for
her. but tom acted like he knew better about what goes on inside a
woman's body. when i first heard about his comments my first reaction
was "until tom cruise grows a vagina he should keep his mouth shut" i
feel that way about any man who thinks he knows what goes on inside a
woman's body.
well tom has FINALLY apologized.
a year later he says he is sorry. and brooke, being the seemingly well
adjusted person possibly because of the use of paxil, accepted his
apology. i wonder who else he will be apologizing to since his career
is plummeting down because of his crazy antics. maybe he needs to
spend more time getting his brain re-circuited or whatever the
scientology people do to make them better people because something has
failed in his main frame and he is losing his status as the golden boy.
i used to really like tom cruise but now i just see him as a short man
with a napoleon complex who is trying really hard to be the "alpha" of
the pact when he has "beta" written in his genetic code.

wakey wakey eggs and bakey

2006-09-01T07:17:00.000-06:00

hello all
well i got my new phone, isn't it cute. even though it cost me a few more bucks to get the razr in pink. why does a paint job cost more money? cause we are suckers for color. i haven't had a lot of time to mess with it. but i have taken pictures and video and have entered phone numbers and taken a pic of my boyfriend so when he calls his picture will show up in the little screen on the cover. i also like that the numbers are bigger. this phone is set up for other types of communication so the bigger numbers help out a lot. i don't plan on using this phone for other forms of communication. i communicate with everyone i know using the basic forms like telephone and email. if i'm not near any of those, communicaton can wait. i wanted it so i could take pictures and video and be able to talk on the phone using the speakerphone. even though i can appreciate technology i still prefer talking to someone face to face or voice to voice. call me old fashion but that's the way i role.

"survivor" still has everyone in a tizzy. GM pulled their sponsership from the show, but says it "had nothing to do with the show's recent announcement that it was arranging its teams based on contestants' race and ethnicity." and i kind of believe it. but the show has found a new sponser to replace GM but wont tell who. the more controversy about the show the more i can't wait to see it. imagine...you are put into a team where everyone with you is the same race. your choices of how you decide to vote out someone has been narrowed by the fact that you can't vote someone out based on their race (consciously or subconsciously) because whether we want to admit it or not no one is color blind unless their blind. we see color. we experience color through culture. it's how we deal with that person that's makes the difference in being racist or not. anyhoo, so these people can't use the "race" card. they will have to make their decisions based on something else. fun fun fun. but i think the tension and the fighting will be the same. i don't remember seeing a lot of racisim to begin with in the show. of course they could have edited it out but i doubt it.

i heard that president bush was in nashville yesterday to help "sell" Republican U.S. Senate candidate Bob Corker. but from what i can tell it was upstaged by a murder/suicide in murfreesboro. just another example of the death and destruction following in his wake.

busy busy busy

2006-08-31T07:06:00.000-06:00

i've been cutting checks left and right. so much money so many invoices to pay. and i pay them all. i cut the check i stuff the check and it all happens at the very end or very beginning of the month. oh well, it's a job. it could be worse. however, when people see that's it's check cutting time someone will always say "hey why don't you cut me one" and i reply "stand in line" or "i've heard that one before" but if you really think about it i couldn't cut someone a check without someone finding out quickly. we have a lot of checks and balances in place to avoid this. and i have a controller who is a micro-manager and looks at EVERYTHING. but anyhoo, i'm done with cutting most of the checks, i have several to do today and then stuff them and then blah blah blah. but don't think i haven't thought about how to cut myself a check and be out of the country before anyone found out.

monday is labor day, and the sweat shop that i work at they let us take that day of with pay. so i've decided to take friday off in order to have a long weekend. maybe i might have more to say tomorrow. especially if my new pink RAZR phone shows up today.

x rated mermaids

2006-08-28T11:40:00.000-06:00

so what is it with the offensiveness of breast? don't we all have them? even though women's happen to be bigger than men's and can also be used for nurishment for babys. why then is there so much uproar over this body part? i wonder who had the final say in this exposing no-no? the symbol and city crest of warsaw,shown here had to be changed because it was judged as too erotic for the "miss universe" pagent. too erotic...too erotic??? come on people, are you telling me that women parading around in a very skimpy bathing suit and being judged on their body in the skimpy bathing suit with their breast taped up show more cleavage isn't exposing their body and can by some (men) be considered erotic? ex: Sports Illustrated. doesn't any pagent promote confidence in women's bodies? at least this mermaid has her lower regions covered up. the contestants of the "miss universe" pagent are showing a whole bunch more skin than the warrior mermaid is. we so need to get over ourselves.

poor poor katherine harris-. it's a little too late to back peddle from your comments about- "the separation of church and state being "a lie" and God and the nation's founding fathers did not intend the country be "a nation of secular laws." The Republican candidate for U.S. Senate also said that if Christians are not elected, politicians will "legislate sin," including abortion and gay marriage." her back peddle was that she was "speaking to a Christian audience, addressing a common misperception that people of faith should not be actively involved in government."

and what does that have to do with the price of eggs in china? does this mean that if you are not of the christian faith you shouldn't even entertain the idea of running for office because your religion promotes immoral behavior? that the christian religion is the only true religion and all will follow or perish? isn't there enough deaths and war happening right now based on this ideology? hind sight isn't working for ms harris.

you are the light of the world

2006-08-27T08:53:00.000-06:00

todays sermon is..."the beatitudes"
taken from the king james version of the bible.

Jesus said-
"Blessed are the poor in spirit: for their's is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the Children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for their's is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake."

i have no comments about what is written. it's all quite clear to me.
if you can justify hatred, murder, war, greed and prejudice in all of
Jesus' teachings then that's between you and your God. But don't
expect others to keep their mouths shut because we are hungry and
thirsty for righteousness and we shall be filled.

200 channels and nothing on

2006-08-26T20:18:00.000-06:00

for real! seriously, 200 channels and nothing on. as a "non-single home alone on the weekend" woman i find itvery depressing to not be able to find anything on tv and ON DEMAND
worth watching. yes there are lots of movies available but none that i want to see that's under 90 minutes. which brings me to an observation. is it just me or are the movie studios making longer
movies. i mean it seems like all the "new" movies are like over 2 hours. do they think that the longer the movies are the more artful they may be? hmmmmm...well there not.

well i spent a nice but humid day at my best friend lori's and her husband david's house with my other best friend david and his wife heather dying silk. we had a dye day. too bad i don't have a digital camera cause we made some really cool pieces. i made a really nice piece by clamping large washers onto folded fabric. and since the fun part of dying fabric is the surprise outcome i was wonderfully happy
about that clamping piece. it ended up looking like flowers.

dying fabric is not for those with type A personalities. but would be good practice for them. there isn't a lot of control in dying fabric. the dyes run, if the just dyed vibrant purple fabric touches another
part of the fabric that you don't want vibrant purple it turns vibrant purple anyway and there isn't anything you can do about it. you could not have enough resist in the fabric and everything you wanted white isn't white anymore but one solid color of yellow. but i like it. however, since i can sometimes fall into the type A demographic i still try to control but the the chaotic side just try's to let go and let goddess.

hey it looks like "license to grill" with hottie host rob rainford is on with all of his jamaican canadian goodness. could this mean that things are looking up on the tv front?

oh what a tangled web we weave

2006-08-25T07:17:00.000-06:00

a good friend of mine (let's call him john) called me yesterday to tell me that his partner of 12 years broke up with him. wow that's longer that some straight marriages. but that's neither here nor there.

obviously john's heart is broken. the reasons for the break up are numerous and wont be mentioned here but i will say that i thought my friend john was deceived for many years. and now john blames himself for the betrayal and loss of trust. it's not john's fault. it is the lovers fault for lying. john's fault was that he sensed something was up and didn't say anything about it. john was afraid of the truth. learning the truth, hearing the truth, living with the truth. sometimes the thought of those 3 simple "truths" make me physically ill. all of our lives would be better off if we weren't afraid of the truth.

so now john has to start on the road to recovery. all we really want in this life is to be loved by another. to have love given freely to us. to feel that we are special in someone else's life. and that we trust that feeling. but to be deceived for years by someone we thought loved us is hard to endure. if i could take his pain away i would do it gladly. but unfortunately i had to leave my magic wand in my last life because THEY wouldn't let me take it with me. all i can do it listen and pray.

those founding fathers of ours didn't know what they were taking about and the christians wonder why they are getting such a bad rap all of the time. your getting a bad rap cause people like katherine harris is one crazy b*t*h for christ

survivor has balls

2006-08-24T11:58:00.000-06:00

i would like to state now that i am a HUGE "Survivor" fan. the new season starts on 9/14/06 and i will be there ready and waiting to watch it. but on this season a new a maybe hard to take aspect will be shown. read about it here the players will be split up into teams based on race. i don't know what to think about it yet. do we need more racial tension? in the past the teams have been split up between men and women and different age groups. why didn't we consider those offensive? are we so used to being split up that way in our day to day life that we are conditioned for it? whichever, i'll be there.

another day at work

2006-08-24T09:02:00.000-06:00

ah thursday. i really like thursdays. tomorrow is friday, i get to hang out with the boyfriend tonight, and my work load pics up a little on thurdays. yes my work load. i like being busy, it makes the time go by faster.

as i was writing this at work i got stopped by an issue with our expense reporting system and another employee. it seems this other employee wasn't able to add in the expenses. she blamed the system i implied that it might be her, but i did tell her that i would look into it and call her back. so after hanging up the phone i went in search of an answer to her problem just on the off chance that it might be the expense system. as i was searching out the answer i keep hearing her ask for other people to help her. prime example of people who don't listen and cause more trouble than they are worth. i have a few more choice words to say about this employee and more but i'm not quite sure about the cussing rule. so for now i'll just say 'CFP".

i've added new links. rob brezsny's horoscopes are quite fun to read. also i've added a link for animal totems. have you found that everytime you walk outside you keep seeing the same animal, bug, bird or creature? well maybe the universe is trying to tell you something and this site has cool but brief info on hundreds of creatures.

later tater

hello and welcome!

2006-08-23T17:00:00.000-06:00

hello and welcome to my very first blog. actually if i can keep up
this blog for more than a month it will be my very first journal of any
kind. i've never been one to write down my feelings or thoughts in a
diary much less for anyone else to read but i thought i would give it a
try.

if you have found that you have reach this page in error (because you
were searching for some freaky perverted pics of chicks on pogo sticks)
sorry and try again. cause on this site you wont see any pictures of
chicks on pogo sticks....well not any time soon. give me a while and
there will be no telling what you might find.

why "hicks, chicks & pogo sticks"? well i could be considered a hick.
i came from a very small southern town without a red light. however, i
don't consider myself backwoods, closed minded or unsophisticated as
some people from metropolitan areas might think of when they use or
hear the word "hick". i could be considered a chick. i am a woman who
isn't always offended by the term of chick unless a man says it to me
on a heavy pms day and the right tone wasn't used. and pogo
sticks??? well i used to pogo with the best of them and i have the
ability to pogo without the use of my hands. a very easy trick that
came easy to me and what else was i going to spend my time on in a
small town without a red light. and i grew up in the 70's when we used
our imagination to play. that and it was either stay outside and play
or go inside and be the channel changer for my dad.

i would tell you a little about myself but i haven't decided how much i
want to give up. i will tell you that i don't write in capital letters
as you have already noticed. the rest will probably be bled out of me
slowly.

until next time

testing testing 123

2006-08-23T16:18:00.000-06:00